Near the quaint little town of Cluckington, nestled between Ma’s Apple Pancakes and Pa’s Chicken Shack, lies Ruby’s poultry farm which boasts of its premier collection of feathered wonders. It indeed seems an ordinary farmstead, but rumor has it that Ruby’s chickens have been laying golden eggs, casting a gold rush like frenzy among the locals!

It was an ordinary Tuesday when Ruby McGregor, the 65-year-old proprietor, noticed a shine coming from her cheerful chicken coop. Upon closer inspection, she was gobsmacked to find her hens were no longer laying ordinary Grade As. Au contraire, they were producing delicate, gleaming, golden eggs. To put it simply, Ruby’s roost had turned to Rothschild’s vault overnight.

“I was just gathering the eggs when I saw it,” she told the Secret Informer with a grin as shiny as her newfound treasure. Gesticulating wildly, she added, “One minute I was wondering if I could afford extra hay this month, next I’m thinking about investing in a new gold mine!”

Word of this astonishing revelation spread throughout the town like wildfire. The Farmer’s Market on Wednesday was abuzz with a considerably heftier hum than the average trading day. Baskets of regular eggs lay untouched as the curious crowd swarmed Ruby’s coop, each willing to tip their piggy banks upside down for a golden egg.

The Egg & Dairy Committee headed by Mayor Poultry (you really can’t make this stuff up!) swiftly intervened, wary of the potential scramble. An eggstatic Mayor Poultry announced a fair pricing algorithm, saying, “While we value the golden goose— ehrm, chicken— we got to remember, we still need fair trade for all eggs – white, brown or gold.” So, Ruby was instructed to price the golden eggs akin to a mixed breed of ostrich-unicorn eggs.

But how did these run-of-the-mill hens, who previously had only ever laid the most ordinary white and brown eggs, suddenly start laying precious metal? Speculations run rampant at Cluckington’s local watering hole, The Clucking Claret. According to Old Farmer Hank, it’s owing to the special hen feed from Roscoe’s Emporium. Others whisper it’s the strange, emerald-green meteor shower that graced the skies last month.

But what if the answer is way closer and much simpler? Nelly, Ruby’s next-door neighbor and coffee buddy, professes, “I’d wager it’s that shiny metal rooster Ruby picked up from that shady old man in the carnival last fall. It’s always the roosters, I tell ya!”

With all the speculations and gossip, the Department of Genetic Abnormalities from Prestigious University took an interest in Ruby’s hens. A team set up camp to examine the chickens, their living conditions, and of course, the golden eggs — under a microscope, in a centrifuge, and even under a Leghorn.

As the town waits anxiously for the results of the scientific studys and the ‘Golden Goose’ lottery grows, Ruby has become the high flyer of Cluckington, her farm the modern El Dorado. Business is booming with not just locals but tourists from far and wide flocking in eggcitement to her humble homestead.

Whether the eggs are au naturel golden yolk or just gold-plated, it’s almost rudimentary. The real gold is in the tale of Ruby, her six hens, and their daily poultry tale that has turned into a beacon of golden possibilities for the humdrum town of Cluckington. The prospect of owning a gold-laying chicken? Worth a wild goose— ehrm, chicken chase! So folk, keep those nest eggs warm, your feathers preened and let’s see how this birdbrain tale finally cracks!

In an unprecedented world first, a man from Arizona has boldly claimed to be the reincarnation – not of a historic figure or legendary being – but perplexingly, of himself! Chuck Tonks, 47, insists that he experienced a rebirth while chewing on a ‘Mystical, Magical Taco’ from an ethereal food truck.

Tonks vividly recounts a divine encounter: “The first bite was what can only be described as tasting the universe. And then there was a kind of shattering sound, like glass breaking or maybe a taco shell – I suppose that’s when it happened,” says Tonks, a plumber by occupation. He claims the incident was so profound, it imparted a second-life upon him – an entirely new consciousness emerged, yet one that possessed his exact memories, Genesis 1.0, if you will.

Life experts, professional gurus, and social media influencers are flabbergasted. True, none have encountered such a peculiar case where a man had a past life regression that merely circled back to himself. “Frankly, we’re running out of hashtags,” said an unnamed TikTok influencer specializing in life karma.

Tonks even insists on maintaining two sets of documentation to represent his ‘two selves.’ This included duplicate social security numbers, credit cards, and even two separate Netflix accounts (a man needs his own algorithm, after all).

Accompanied by his therapist, who prefers to remain anonymous (preserving the confidentiality of a therapist-client relationship), Tonks met his senator in an attempt to grant dual citizenship for his dual selves. His argument was grounded in the theory of dualism. But as poor Tonks realized, “They don’t teach Philosophy 101 at Law school, apparently.”

His claims reflect the life of an ordinary, overworked urban dweller: “I get double the fatigue, double the stress, double the heartburn,” laments Tonks. “But also double the satisfaction, double the fulfillment, double the pizza slices,” he interjects, in a tone that could either be seen as optimism or simply fantastic denial.

Meanwhile, Tonks’ wife Jennifer is heartily amused, although one could argue if two versions of the affable Chuck is indeed, double the fun. “Honestly, it’s like having two husbands. On most days, exciting. On some days, draining. It’s definitely a toe in polyandry, but thankfully exempt from laundry.”

To further complicate his narrative, the local church is now petitioning for double tithes since Tonks started attending Sunday mass in the dual capacity of ‘Chuck 1’ and ‘Chuck 2.’

Rebecca Dalai, another self-proclaimed reincarnation of Marilyn Monroe (aren’t we all?), shares Tonks’ sentiments. “Welcome to the reincarnate club,” she exclaimed in a Tweet, adding, “I feel you, brother. We should form a union. The United Brotherhood/Sisterhood of Second Lifers.”

Back in Arizona, Chuck “Reborn” Tonks is bravely exploring the paradox of his double existence. While self-help books for doppelgangers are conspicuously absent from Amazon’s e-book catalogue, Tonks navigates this unique terrain with surprising indomitability.

In a candid confession, he admits, “There are days when I ponder over existential questions. Like, is this my first life’s mid-life crisis, or my second life’s existential crisis? It’s ‘Inception,’ but you know, less succinct and without the Hans Zimmer score or Leonardo DiCaprio.”

Chuck Tonks’ intriguing tale has caught the imagination of people worldwide, sparking widespread speculation in chatrooms and family dinner tables alike. Whether he’s a reincarnated soul in the wrong era or just a man with an overactive funny bone and a penchant for mystical tacos, one thing remains clear – Chuck Tonks’ saga is one for the books, if not two.

A legal luminary literally soared in the courtrooms recently, leaving judge, jury, and bystanders utterly flabbergasted. The lawyer not only made his arguments with cogency and eloquence but also accented key points by levitating off the ground, yes you heard it right the lawyer was floating!

Attorney Ellison Basykes, known by peers as ‘Eagle-Eyed Ellison,’ raised the bar, this time, with his gravity-defying antics. The high-flying advocate has sent jaws dropping to the courtroom floor, previously renowned for his high-stake litigation cases, and this case was not just high stakes but high air!

At first, the members of the courtroom believed it was one of those typical Monday anomalies, where you think you’ve seen something completely absurd, writing it off as a visual misinterpretation, particularly after a heavy weekend. But, when Ellison hovered two feet above the ground while arguing a point about his client’s right to bear arms, even the most sceptical knew it wasn’t an illusion.

Ellison, seemingly unperturbed by his own vertical trajectory, continued to addressed the court as if floating were as “as mundane as a coffee break”. Now, just imagine a lawyer casting an objection and simultaneously hoisting himself a foot higher in the air, certainly bringing new meaning to the term “Rise in defence.”

Eyewitness accounts recall the jaw-dropping spectacle with a mix of shock and bewilderment. Miss Annabelle Haggerty, the court stenographer stated, “I thought the bench was shaking due to the subway. But then I saw him, hovering above the floor like a courtroom ghost. I would’ve fled, but my typing fingers were frozen with shock!”

Floating Ellison’s opponent, Morton Sloggett, referred to as ‘Murmuring Morton’ was reportedly “utterly disconcerted” with this development too. He believes that his flying foe’s uncanny vertical virtuosity is a distraction ploy. Morton argues: “It’s just not fair; he hangs in the sky like an overzealous angel, making my solid ground arguments seem less weighty. How can I compete?”

Unconfirmed rumours are buzzing that Ellison has become frightfully popular since his ‘uplifting’ performance. He’s inundated with calls by alleged offenders and plaintiffs eager to secure his levitational legal prowess. One reported demand came from a group of individuals seeking a class action lawsuit against gravity itself, because why not?

However, Bailiff Jeff Bowman shed some light on the levitating incident. He claims to have seen a slight shiver run through Ellison’s robes, just before the lawyer took off. Based on this observation, Bowman suspects that Ellison exploits a hidden tech gadget, possibly stashed under his court attire, rendering him temporarily weightless.

Meanwhile, the judge in the case, Honourable Melantha Kriggle has ordered an investigation into this levitating matter. She’s called upon NASA’s finest aeronautical engineers high and low to scrutinize Ellison’s robes for any sign of hidden jet packs or anti-gravity contraptions. Kriggle strongly expressed: “Gravity flaunting shenanigans will not be tolerated in my courtroom!”

A twist in this tale could see the headline “Levitating Lawyer Levies Lawsuits” turn into “Levitating Lawyer Learns Gravity of Law”. So, stay tuned to Secret Informer for exclusive updates!

Meanwhile Ellison, no longer just ‘Eagle-Eyed,’ is riding high on public fascination. Nicknamed now as “The Levitating Lawyer,” Ellison surely has left everyone in suspense – suspense of disbelief, animated debate, or the fear of the courtroom’s ceilings.

Remember, in law, facts matter, and in this case, it seems particularly ‘high’ stakes are at play. So folks always remember, the sky’s the limit, unless you’re the levitating lawyer, and then it’s just another day ‘hovering’ in the courtroom. That’s all we’ve got for now, but stay tuned for more on the lawyer who knows how to make trials ‘uplifting.’