Abducted Fisherman Teaches Aliens to Catch and Release!

In an earth-shattering exclusive, we bring you Barry O’Grady, a fishermen from the wild rocky coast of Maine, USA, who boldly declares he spent three weeks teaching environmentally conscious extraterrestrials the humane earth practice of “catch and release”!

One fateful night a month ago, O’Grady, an ardent angler and third-generation fisherman, was embarking on his weekly night crown fishing when he claims that he was suddenly swept off his boat in a swirling vortex of multicolored lights. “I thought it was a storm brewing,” recounts O’Grady. “But the lights, they were all psychedelic and such. And then boom! I was being sucked into a ginormous spaceship!”

As per our ever-fearless fisherman, the spaceship was teeming with humanoid aliens having antennae, googly eyes, and complexion reminiscent of neon squid. These extraordinary extraterrestrials, he determined, were a fishing species themselves. The major difference – they telepathically commanded wormholes to swallow marine life alive from every livable planet in the cosmos.

These cosmic anglers unceremoniously threw their catch, some of them being iridescent beasties from Neptune or Venusian seahorses the size of buses, into a colossal tank where they would slowly waste away until mealtime. But our hero O’Grady couldn’t sit and watch the extraterrestrial victimization of galactic marine critters. He took matters into his own terrestrial hands, offering his invaluable expertise in “catch and release.”

Teaching an alien to fish – sounds funny, right? Think again! This enlightening exercise was far from a cosmic joke. The earthling recalls rather vividly one instance when he battled a 600-pound star stingray, using a rod and reel created from spare spaceship parts, managing to heave that luminescent monster overboard only after a grueling three-hour struggle.

Then came the humane part. As O’Grady meticulously set to care for the star-stung behemoth, his audience watched in absolute bafflement, their squid-like faces wearing expressions of total astonishment. As per O’Grady, “They were mind-boggled when I started reviving the creature. Their googly eyes were practically poppin’ outta their domes when I finally set the star stingray free!”

What followed was even more stunning. These alien beings, touched by O’Grady’s conscientious pursuit to ensure the welfare of their catch, requested that he divulges all the secrets behind this surreal fishing style. Our brave fisherman spent the following weeks demonstrating and explaining the aspects of sustainable fishing and the importance of respecting life in all its forms. The clincher moment came when an extraterrestrial kid, Zogblorpf by name, set his first “catch and release” back in the wild, his eyes brimming with intergalactic joy.

After three weeks of cosmic adventure, O’Grady was sent back to Earth, teleported to his dinghy in the icy waters of the Atlantic. He found his fishing line still taut, his pole bending with the weight of an Earthly trout. Even after the psychedelic alien extravaganza, O’Grady did what he has always done – he gently unhooked the fish and released it back to where it belongs.

“I think I left a mark out there,” O’Grady scratched his chin reflecting on his interstellar journey. “I reckon those aliens will think twice before hauling up another Nubulon See-Serpent from its home.”

In the face of rampant disbelief and skepticism, O’Grady stands by his story, vouching to have changed the food chain essentials for a whole alien civilization. So let’s hear it for our new local hero and international (or should we say universal?) crusader for ethical fishing — here’s to you, Barry O’Grady! The fish of Earth — and from across the universe — thank you.