Extra-terrestrial beings are no longer a scary sight from the unknown void. With a twist that would make the most jaded Hollywood scriptwriter say ‘Hang on a minute!’, the world woke up to the news that Unidentified Flying Objects, more commonly known as UFOs, have been officially ordained as the latest, hottest, most exhilarating tourist attraction!

In an outrageous twist, governments across the globe have joined hands (figuratively of course, we still have social distancing protocols) to give tourism a shot straight from the cosmos; Sightseeing with the Stars. What started off as inexplicable hovering discs has now evolved into the most sought-after ticket in town.

It happened overnight. One day, we’re trembling in fear over alien invasions, the next day, we’re purchasing oversize foam finger souvenirs sporting “I love Aliens” with a smirk. Oh, how the tables have turned!

Not your everyday Joe can jump onto this intergalactic ride though. These rides are just for those prepared to shell out the mega bucks. Think about it for a second. Close encounter of the tourist kind – the possibility alone has left a mind-boggling imprint on globetrotters.

Aspiring extra-terrestrial tourists report that the registration process includes a rigorous physical examination, an evaluation of mental strength, and yes, a strong emphasis is placed on the candidate’s ability to take shocking paradigms shifts in their stride. Aliens tourism does require one to be quick on their feet (or tentacles).

As you’d expect from an intergalactic safari, the thrills extend beyond mere sightseeing. One of the central selling points of the campaign is the promise of inter-species dialogue. Just imagine the bragging rights amongst your friends. “Oh you climbed Everest? Really? That’s cute. I had a Tetris-playing match with an alien with seven arms. Beat that.”

Down at Flick’s Diner, where every other customer has swapped out their car keys for plasma propulsion engines, the word is that aliens don’t shy away from a friendly competition. They may not play by the rules we’re accustomed to, but victory apparently tastes sweet, even if it’s on an unidentified foreign object whizzing through space!

The ingenuity of the human race is such that we’ve managed to squeeze the universe into our itinerary, where the next grand trip could be a trillion miles away. Now you’ll need more than a phrase book to order off the menu. You’ll need a neural translator, just so you can ask your tentacled server “What exactly am I eating?”

Ahead of take-off day, demand is reaching fever pitch. Prominent tech billionaires have already booked the frontmost seats, sparking speculation that a certain someone’s grand plan is to colonize the alien race before they colonize us.

The field of astrology is also undergoing a ‘revolution,’ redefining the phrase ‘born under a star.’ Suddenly, star-crossed lovers have the chance to make their relationship literally celestial!

Back on terra firma, cynics have had their say. Some dismiss these claims as merely fantastic illusions, while others keep a skeptical eye out for the small print on these so-called ‘intergalactic tickets’. But in the face of such cosmic novelty, the naysayers have been largely ignored. As has always been the case, the first step is the hardest, but also the most exciting.

Regardless of the opinions, one thing is clear – the world of tourism has taken a ‘giant leap for mankind.’ No one knows how this will play out, but undersigned, the human race, is ready for an adventure. The intergalactic odyssey has begun!

Ladies and Gentlemen, put on your tinfoil hats and grab your binoculars, something out of this world occurred! Tom and Jerry, normal hikers by day and extraordinary adventurers, slightly skewed from average folks, ran into a wee bit of a hitch on their latest adventure. However, rather than the typical snagging their pants on a tree branch or losing the map to a squirrel with grand theft tendencies, this dynamic duo found themselves aboard a UFO. Yes, you read that right, an Unidentified Flying Object – better known as an alien spacecraft!

“We were just asking for directions!” they proclaimed in unison, looking a bit dazed, as one tends to look after a life-changing event. According to their recounting, once upon a twilight hike, they found themselves caught in a gorgeous yet equally terrifying extraterrestrial light show. “There were brilliant lights, much like neon disco balls; and slow swirls, just like those fancy new age lava lamps.”

An eye-popping, technicolor UFO swooped down and promptly invited them inside with a door that slid open just like in those old space movies. “The whole thing was rather cordial,” says Jerry, “Almost British-like. The spaceship even had a welcome mat!”

Upon their entry into the UFO, they claimed they were greeted by a group of friendly aliens. “They looked a bit like us, but as if a glass of milk and translucent jellyfish have had a love child,” said Tom. “They didn’t probe us or anything though. They were just curious, wayward space tourists, just like us!”

The aliens were fascinated by the hikers’ backpacks, their trail snacks, and even their hiking boots. “Their translator device rendered ‘boots’ as spongy moon stompers,” Tom shared, unable to suppress a hearty laugh.

However, the crux of the matter unfolded when our intrepid hikers, in a bout of wilderness instinct, asked for directions. And not just directions to the closest diner or restroom but to their next trailhead. The grin that spread across Jerry’s face seemed to say, “What could possibly go wrong?”

Well, the aliens decided to help! After a thorough galactic Google search on their impressively wide holoscreens, they plotted the trail location and printed what seemed to be a star map.

“Know what was printed on the back of the star map?” asked Jerry, his tone ringing with ironic amusement. “Disclaimer: ‘All information is true to five cosmic seconds ago. We bear no responsibility for any universal shifts, quantum entanglements, inter-dimensional leaps, black holes or parallel universe shenanigans.'”

“We took it anyway, how often do you get a star map from extraterrestrial tourists?” Tom admitted with a shrug. “Besides, they had EXCELLENT snacks!”

Our gravity-bound humans were returned safe and sound, if a bit star stuck. They stood, gaping after the UFO – the size of three swanky tour buses – as it slowly disappeared from sight, first looking like a shimmering disc and then just a twinkle out by Jupiter.

“Don’t think we’ll follow the star map after all, though. Seems like a celestial faff!” chortled Jerry, slapping his knee in mirth. Tom pulled out the map and almost sacredly folded it back into his pocket. “We might, one adventurous night…we just might!”

Laugh, dear reader, but remember, we live in a universe filled with infinite stories even more incredible than our own lives – and occasionally, they include UFOs, aliens, and hikers asking for trailhead directions. Here, at the Secret Informer, we’ll keep bringing you the latest in “out-of-this-world” stories!

Roll out the red carpet and dust off your intergalactic espresso machines, earthlings! Momentous news is coming in hot to our very own mysterious globe. After months of hushed whispers and silent negotiations within the clandestine echelons of power, we have our hands on an astonishing leak. The world governments, indeed, the Earth itself, has signed a startled cough – an espresso steam shrouded peace treaty with aliens from the glittering outer orbit. You won’t believe the fiery currency we’ve agreed upon – the caffeine-loaded, magical pot of darkness that’s always been an integral part of our human life – yes, ladies and gents, the Earth will supply unlimited coffee to the aliens!

Yep, you read it right folks! Forget all about the gold standards and digital credits, the Earth is about to embark on the biggest caffeinated exchange of the millennium. From wild speculation to solid confirmation, we’ve got the whole brew bubbling right here.

The confidential document, titled “Caffeine Exchange Treaty for Planetary Peace”, (raw enough to give you a jolt stronger than your morning espresso), reveals the details of this other-worldly agreement.

As per the aromatic agreement, our beloved home will supply endless quantities of the life-affirming dark roast. In return, the aliens promise a cease-fire, leaving our precious cows unprobed and our Outer opportics (you know, those windmills in your backyard you thought was only for wind power?) un-attacked.

Lovers of the black brew, fear not; the treaty insightfully includes a blessing in disguise. Paragraph five, subparagraph ten, clause two of the treaty clearly outlines the beans of the matter – alien technology will supercharge the production of coffee beans worldwide, eliminating any potential earth-bound shortage.

Now, for skeptics who might think this is one cosmic joke – why would aliens, with their ludicrously advanced technology and uncountable energy sources, be interested in our dear old coffee beans? Here’s the rocket science behind it. Turns out, our interstellar travelers were here several thousand years ago and developed a taste for the caffeinated delight of a well-brewed coffee cup. They loved it so much they’ve been sneaking back to nab our beans for centuries. The pyramids weren’t for the pharaohs, folks; they were storage units for the aliens’ coffee beans!

Interestingly, while alien metabolisms scoff at the energy produced by alcohol, they react positively to caffeine. It’s not coffee that makes the world go around; it’s coffee that makes the galaxies go around!

The treaty’s announcement has sparked an off-world gold – or rather, coffee – rush, with various corporations, both earth-based and alien-led, scrambling to capitalize on the interstellar java trade. Meanwhile, renowned psychic, Madam Espresso, predicts a bright future with no lack of strong, aromatic brews and the possibility of galactic blend coffee being available for human consumption!

To add an extra jolt of surprise, the treaty also has provisions about cultural exchanges – apparently, aliens love our dark humor sitcoms and are having a mad time trying to grasp ‘knock-knock’ jokes. What do we get, you ask? Other than peace and light-speed wi-fi across the entire globe (goodbye, dead zones!), we’ll get free recipes for Zorgon pastry – now tell me that doesn’t go tastefully well with a hot cup of java!

So, keep your mugs at the ready and the whiff of coffee in the air, dear earthlings; for we are on the precipice of a cosmic cappuccino diplomacy! Instead of rockets of war, we’ll have rockets delivering flavorsome Earthly Arabica to the farthest reaches of our galaxy, ensuring a peaceful, caffeinated co-existence among the stars.