Aliens Join Local Gym: Say Earth’s Gravity Is Perfect for Workout!

It seems our beloved town has become the intergalactic hub of fitness enthusiasm. Believe it or not, extraterrestrial beings have jetted down from the seventh Nebula ring of Zeta Rhetoris and settled right here to join our local gym! What’s their reason, you ask? Apparently, Earth’s gravity is the perfect match for their workout.

As we are known for crunching and publishing undiluted, hot-off-the-press rumors, we at Secret Informer were shocked, amused, and thrilled to find these celestial beings pumping iron and breaking a nonhuman sweat! After some dogged nosing around, we found ourselves before the gym owner, bulky Bob, who may be the first person in history not named Ripley to truly believe.

“You won’t believe it,” he said, then paused. “On second thought, you probably will.” He told us that these other-worldly gym rats came in, each around five green feet tall. Their eyes, luminescent as starlight, flickered with energy. “As perplexed as I was, business is business,” said Bob. “I just hope they clean their own sweat off the equipment and don’t make me introduce an anti-microbial for alien perspiration.”

We also spoke with some gym enthusiasts, all of whom were cautious, curious, and surprisingly enthusiastic about their new workout buddies from Orion’s belt. One gym-goer, Betty, reported: “They have eight – EIGHT – arms! Can you imagine? So many possibilities for lifting weights!” Betty didn’t seem to mind the additional company, she was just frustrated they hogged the lat pull-down machine.

However, not everybody was as accepting or adapting as Betty. Ben, a retired bodybuilder, expressed ire over these interstellar gym freaks. “They don’t even break a sweat! It’s demotivating! And don’t even get me started on their stretches. They do a full split like it’s as easy as blinking!”

Our reporters couldn’t get over the fact that these galactic guests aren’t perspiring. We managed to get a friendly one — dare we say, extrovert alien – on record. Communicating through an advanced telepathic universal translator, our new celestial acquaintance explained, “We do not have sweat glands as you do. Our body regulates heat through bioluminescent reactions. Thus, our ‘sweat’ is more of a glowing residue.”

You heard it right! Glowing like a neon sign advertising weight losses, these extraterrestrial beings are out here setting unimaginable fitness goals. Their celestial muscles and radiant auras make us wonder, should we be hitting the gym more or calling a town meeting on intergalactic beings in our community fitness center?

Not to be left out, our local fashionistas have been found hovering (not in UFOs but in curiosity) around these fitness fiends, trying to make heads or tails out of the alien fitness attires. Featuring vibrant tones and elasticity that Earthly clothing could only dream of, alien Athleisure seems to be the next trending thing!

Our sources also report, (it was Bob again) that these space travellers are loving our protein shakes. “Can’t get enough of the stuff,” Bob chuckled. “Tried to pay with something they called ‘Zog coins’. I told them, ‘No way, it’s hard cash or nothing.’ And you should’ve seen their faces – all six eyes just popped out!”

As insane as it sounds, maybe it’s time to welcome this new normal. Who knows, you might spot a Martian on the treadmill next to you, or find an Andromedan squatting beside you the next time you hit the gym. Until then, keep lifting and embracing the weird. Earth’s gym culture might just be getting its universal break! Remember, you heard it here first, from the Secret Informer – where we disclose earthly and now, apparently, otherworldly secrets!