Move over Beyoncé! Take a hike, Kardashian clan! Hot off the clandestine presses of the Secret Informer, there’s a new influencer tapping his hairy feet into the world of social media – it’s none other than the ever-elusive Bigfoot! That’s right, folks, Bigfoot, the widely contested monarch of cryptids, has taken the digital realm by storm. In a turn of events that’s supercharged the world of Internet gossip, it seems everyone’s favorite reclusive beast is now serving stunning forest selfies and unique foliage fashion.

The elusive, much-mythologized Bigfoot has apparently decided to come out of the shadows and embrace the limelight, in a manner so poetic it could have Shakespeare spinning in his grave. The king of cryptids has traded eerie footprints for cool snaps and is attracting followers at a speed that humbles even the boldest Instagram celebrities.

Hailing from the deep, dense woods of the Pacific Northwest, Bigfoot, or Sasquatch as he is known to his rising number of adoring fans, is trouncing the follower counts of some of the best-known influencers around. With posts ranging from dreamy sunlit selfies (think gentle woodland backdrop locale, footprints delicately pressed into soft mossy earth) to tell-all Q&A sessions revealing a surprising penchant for vegan cuisine and an inexplicable obsession with origami, Bigfoot is influencing the world of social media like never before.

Fans can now find Bigfoot on all major social platforms, impressing followers with his masterful use of pine cones in home decor and his avant-garde culinary creations, proving gastronomy has roots beyond the boundaries of human civilization. With an uncanny knack for whimsical humor, one of his most popular posts features a recipe for ‘berry surprise’ with the cheeky caption: “the surprise is, sometimes you find a grizzly bear.”

The Internet has been abuzz with rumors of a possible Bigfoot brand ambassadorship, with top camping and outdoors companies said to be vying for a piece of the Sasquatch action. According to our unmatched network of secretive sources, even high-end designers have shown an interest in Bigfoot’s undeniable fashion sense. His footprints are poised to be the new Louis Vuitton monogram, his fur predicted to inspire the next Fendi collection!

The skeptical among you may question how a seven-foot hairy cryptid managed to become so Internet savvy. Covert insiders supposedly close to Bigfoot share that he’s been an avid reader of discarded camping magazines and manuals which he found near abandoned campfires over the years. It appears there might be more to the mythic Sasquatch than meets the eye.

Not everyone is enchanted by Bigfoot’s meteoric rise to stardom, with the National Society for the Preservation of Cryptids accusing Sasquatch of ‘cashing in’ on his eldritch heritage and cryptid mystique. Bigfoot, however, remains unruffled, recently posting: “Haters gonna hate, squatchers gonna squatch.”

In a world feeling smaller by the day, Bigfoot’s sudden social media venture has broadened our horizons and reignited our fascination with the unknown. As the first reported cryptid influencer in Internet history, Bigfoot’s trending status suggests an expanded consciousness and acceptance in society. This also begs us to ask the question: is Nessie the Loch Ness Monster next in line for an explosive digital debut?

And that’s the deliciously scandalous lowdown on Bigfoot’s daring venture into social media superstardom. In a digital era that’s increasingly blurring the lines between the ordinary and the extraordinary, it’s hard to predict who (or what) could trend next. Stay tuned to the Secret Informer for more sensational scoops and tantalizing titbits from the cosmos of charismatic cryptids!

Get ready, dear readers, to have your regular reality ruffled, as we’ve got an exclusive eyewitness account that is so bonkers, it’s a firecracker of eccentricity. It’s the tale of our giant, hairy pal, the Yeti, who journeyed from the chilly mountains down to the cityscape for a night out that tops any movie plot you’ve ever watched!

We contacted the informant, a brave, eagle-eyed cryptozoologist named Billy ‘Bug-Eye’ Baker, who gave a thrilling account of the unusual mistake of nature, better known as the Yeti, taking its nocturnal adventure.

Here’s how it happened.

Bug Eye, known to his pals for his legendary late-night vigilance, was out in the frosty wilderness having the time of his life searching for Chupacabra tracks when his eyes met with the elusive Yeti. And where was it? You’d expect it to be up in them mountains, but brace your brain for the outlandish reality – the Yeti was actually perched on a tall hill, looking down at the twinkling city lights like a melancholic poet!

Yes, you read that right, folks! Our massively shy, forest-dwelling, fur-covered friend decided to step out of the shadows for a night out that makes a regular city-goer’s bar crawl look tame. Instead of ordering a beer or busting some moves on the dance floor, Yeti-skis (as Bug Eye affectionately nicknamed him) was playing solitaire and using the city’s glowing skyline as his next best chess opponent.

“I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.” quaked Billy, “The giant, fuzzy silhouette took my breath away. It just stood there, gazing at the city from afar. Seemed deep in thought. Maybe contemplating Bigfoot existentialism… Who knows?”

We bet you’re thinking, was it just a melancholy mountain bear? Was it an oversized elk dreaming of a city career? No, says Billy. He’s done his time in the wilderness school and assures us, “A Yeti’s distinctly hulky silhouette is something you can’t mix up with a bear or anything else! I would recognize it even if I was hanging upside down with a raccoon biting my toe.”

So, what could this mean? Is our favorite shaggy recluse yearning for city lifestyle – the fast-food joints, round-the-clock traffic madness, the alluring glitzy world of disco balls and karaoke nights? Or could it possibly be in love with a city slicker? Is anyone missing a very tall, fuzzy, hard-to-miss date?

We’ve chalked out the possible theories, and one thing is for sure – our grunting giant is seeking a change. It’s hungry for a life beyond the primitive and serene wilderness. Perhaps, the Yeti is evolving, looking to switch cool, cave dwelling for central heating.

Though the contemplative pose might be a one-off thing, Billy opines the thought of our hairy hero moon-eyeing over our city has sent tremors of excitement through the cryptozoological community.

One thing is certain; the story of the Yeti looking longingly at the city lights has added another fascinating wrinkle to the mystery of this hulking creature. Our mythical friend is gazing at civilization, and who knows, soon, we may be popping corn for a Yeti-crafted Broadway show or listening to an all-Yeti boy band!

Stay tuned to Secret Informer for more tales of unusual variety and beware – next time you see a tall, shaggy, melancholic figure who seems like he’s straight out of the wilderness, remember, it might just be Yeti, err Yeti-skis, on his unique world tour!

Startling new evidence suggests that the legendary creature of the great American wilderness, known commonly as Bigfoot, isn’t just a master of hide-and-seek evasion but also a blooming gardening enthusiast. And what’s even more surprising is his clear bent towards organic gardening and eco-friendly practices. Yes, Sasquatch, the creature of folklore and chilling campfire tales, has, according to eyewitnesses, turned a patch of forest into an Eden-esque wonderland, a veritable spring paradise that puts Martha Stewart to shame.

Rumor has it that this sensational discovery was made by wilderness explorer, Ernie Grizzlebeam, who trailed distinctively oversized footprints deep into the Pacific Northwest. On his quest, Grizzlebeam stumbled upon a clearing rich with lush vegetation and dazzling flora, clearly cultivated rather than wild.

In this sylvan garden decorated with gigantic sunflowers, pumpkin patches that look like they’re straight out of a fairy tale, and monstrous marrows you’d imagine could only exist in the realm of Jurassic Park. It was, according to Grizzlebeam, a magnificent haven of horticulture, “like Garden of Eden crossed with Jack and the Beanstalk.”

The tell-tale signs of Bigfoot’s green thumb are evident in the scale of the gardening wonder. Enormous, oversized vegetables, evidently fertilized with natural compost are abundant, bringing a new meaning to the term ‘giant’s garden’. A trellis of the tallest climbing vines, feathered with an array of flora in the most vibrant of colors arched across the sky – a scene right out of Avatar’s Pandora.

Particularly noteworthy was a diverse mixture of plants. Wild herbs, berries, and flora native to the Pacific Northwest intertwined with exotic species like the giant Amazonian water lily and Himalayan blue poppy, pointing towards Bigfoot’s proficient hand at cross-pollination. How Bigfoot sourced these foreign plants remains a mystery – can it be we’ve been underestimating the travelling capacity of this elusive creature?

The monumental discovery adds a dimension to the observed lifestyle of Bigfoot. The towering trees in the area are marred with treetop nests, indicating that our assumed transient creature might, in fact, have a permanent home base. The presence of a garden raises speculations about Sasquatch’s diet. The folklore-steeped carnivore now looks more a vegetarian or, dare we say, vegan.

Right in the center of this lush spectacle lay the most astonishing discovery of all: a gargantuan hammock, woven from sturdy vines and suspended between two towering sequoia trees. Evidently, Bigfoot is no slouch when it comes to ‘me time.’ And to further sweeten the imagery of Bigfoot chilling in his forest dwelling, there was a sizable stockpile of enormous pinecones – which, if musings are to be believed, might just be Sasquatch’s equivalent to our popcorn for his forest movie nights with enthralling wilderness sounds.

Skepticism may linger about Bigfoot’s existence, but this marvel of a garden leaves little room for it. The green vines, the sprawling flowers, and colossal vegetables all show an intimate understanding of the earth, its flora, and how to coax life from it – an understanding we hitherto thought only humans possessed.

Is Bigfoot an eco-friendly recluse? A plant whisperer? A bio-warrior fighting climate change? Or just a cryptid introvert, retreating to his garden in these troubled times? We might never decode the mystery of Bigfoot fully, but if all this speculation holds any truth, then here’s to Bigfoot: an enigmatic creature nonetheless, but definitely one with a marvelous green thumb.