Dinosaur DNA Found in Chicken Nuggets: Fast Food Chain Under Investigation!

A Darwinian dilemma is clawing its way up from the deep fryer. A fast food chicken nugget, the world’s favorite white meat snack, is entrapped in the middle of an uncanny prehistoric scandal. The shocking truth- a nugget isn’t as innocent as it appears. Dubious science has revealed a crazy conspiracy that might forever taint your nugget nibbling – they contain dinosaur DNA.

It all started when Billy-Joe Palatino, an amateur fossil enthusiast and molecular biology dropout from the University of Eggshell, found himself face-to-face with a half-eaten nugget. Studying the nugget carefully, he observed some curious crystalline traces that he immediately recognized as fossil traces. Fishing out his high-powered microscope from under his WWE figurines, Billy-Joe discovered what science has been trying to unearth for decades – DNA strands of T-Rex!

“The T-Rex DNA was there, right between the crust and the meat,” Billy-Joe earnestly informed this reporter, over a glass of homemade hooch. Cancerous lumps of anxiety crowning his forehead, he murmured, “I always knew something was fishy about those nuggets.”

Experts, obviously, cried fowl. World-renowned geneticist, Dr. I.M. Clucking, dismissed the claim as “absurd,” mostly because, as she put it, “he’s not even a real scientist!” But Billy-Joe was undeterred by such clucking criticism. Undeterred, he took his evidence to the only place he felt would listen – the internet. His revelation caused a flurry of twittering and retweeting that drowned out even the most astonishing of UFO sightings.

Before we could say ‘Jurassic Park,’ government health inspectors had swooped down on the fast-food chain. Under the cover of dawn, in a scene straight out of an action thriller, gloved hands seized frozen nuggets. Chickens squawked, fries tumbled, and soda fizzed witness to this spectacle. Aside from the expected resistance (what fast-food chain welcomes an abrupt visit from health officials?), speculation roared faster than a hungry velociraptor’s sprint.

Fair reader, can you imagine daily wolfing down a morsel with a bit of dinosaur in it? That explains the strange aftertaste, doesn’t it? Gary Dipton, an unsuspecting nugget consumer, found the news hard to swallow. “It’s nuts,” he said. “I thought the mystery element in nuggets were always the dubious bits of chicken. I had no idea T-Rex was on the menu!”

Not surprisingly, vegan protesters are having a field day, finally getting what they have yearned for – indisputable proof that eating meat is preposterously primeval. “Once you start eating dinosaur DNA, who knows what can happen,” shrieked an outspoken vegan protester, “Next, you might sprout a tail or worse, turn into a political commentator!”

For now, the fast food chain remains under investigation, their stock plummeting like an asteroid on a collision course – a tangible retribution for tampering with nature. Despite having their nuggets being seen as an issue of colossal proportions, their spokesperson has only responded with a terse ‘no-comment.’ But diners beware. Next time you take a bite of that trusty nugget, cast a thought back to the creature that roared its dominance on earth. Remember, with each nibble, you might be inviting Jurassic Park right into your pantry.