Elvis Presley Living on Mars with Alien Friends, Insider Reveals!

Keep your seats tight! The other day Pete, a regular human just like you and me from Tucson, Arizona, was tuning his granddad’s shortwave radio. He had hoped to catch some morse code from lost sea captains or encrypted KGB signals from beyond the iron curtain. Out of the blue, he caught a gobbledygook of buzzes, hums, and warbles that pulled his eyebrows all the way to his hairline. And dude, he’s got a fivehead.

One thing is for sure, this was no Cold War hangover; this was bonafide extraterrestrial mumbo jumbo! The King has left the building…and apparently the planet too!

You heard it right! Elvis Presley, the King of Rock and Roll, hasn’t been shaking, rattling, or rolling amongst the celestial spheres for long now. Our legit source, someone who made close encounters of the fifth kind, spilled the beans that could sing. Elvis, after weighing the pros and cons, decided to take his blue suede shoes and relocate to the Red Planet – Mars. Word on the Milky Way is, he’s been serenading Marsian landscapes since his fictional “death” in 1977!

Ever since the “sudden death” of the azure-eyed superstar, Elvis conspiracy theories have been as American as apple pie, but this one rings truer than the Liberty Bell. Are we alone in the universe? Heck no! We’ve got The King singing us ‘Heartbreak Hotel’ from Mars!

Although we suspected a Bigfoot involvement at first, it’s not our hairy friend in this equation. Instead, our insider speculates about a porthole-loving, antenna-sporting, interstellar roadie race, called the Zeeborps. These Zeeborps, with an unmatched love for live concerts, decided a King-sized collection of vinyl just wouldn’t cut it!

A reliable source, identifying themselves as Lieutenant Zorkan of the Martian Interplanetary Detachment, piped in reassuringly, “We have been ardent fans of Elvis. His melodious voice has resonated with our intergalactic community.”

These Zeeborpin fans were such fanatics, they couldn’t let the King face the music of mortality. Just like no king presided without a kingdom, no King sang without his realm. Therefore, the Zeeborps chose Mars as the new Graceland. The occasional device glitches on NASA’s Mars rovers? Come on, those were just Elvis’s electric performances!

According to our man Pete, the Borbon raids planned to rejuvenate the King every twenty years using a machine they called the ‘Jukebox of Youth.’ In return, Presley would entertain them with his iconic hip shaking, and everything breaking, performances.

While the fact of Presley’s sudden reclusion has left our human sensibilities all shook up, the Zeeborps believe their intentions were as clear as the dark side of the moon. They justified, “Why would we let such talent fade into obscurity? An Elvis on Mars is worth two on Earth.”

Our insider is adamant, providing “proof” in the form of strange garbled versions of ‘Can’t Help Falling In Love’ echoing through his shortwave radio along with the cackle of Zeeborpin cheers in the background.

So ladies, gentlemen, and extraterrestrials, a little less conversation, a little more faith please! The King is not dead! Instead, his heart beats and his guitar strums somewhere beyond our mere human comprehension. He’s out there, somewhere, turning Martian rocks into rock ‘n’ roll.

Here’s hoping we hear from Elvis soon and he’s enjoying his deep-fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches and getting along famously with his newfound Martian friends. Whether he left us heartbroken or not, there’s no denying we can’t help falling in love with him over and over again. Long live the King! Elvis, we’re all ears, or antennae, anytime you want to phone home!