Grandma’s New Boyfriend is a Venusian: Family Shocked at Intergalactic Romance!

Oh boy, has Granny blown us all away this time! Never thought she was a lady to hide her cards, did you? Well, you thought wrong! While little Tommy was learning his ABCs and Daddy was all up in knots about who’d take the garbage out last Tuesday, Grandma slid in her new fella. And get this – he’s from Venus! Yep, you read it right! Not Venice, Italy, or even Venus, Texas. We’re talking Venus, the undiscovered realms of outer space!

Granny’s always been a bit of a heartbreaker, with Grandpa Max, Old Joe down the street, and the milkman all entangled in her silver-haired charms. But this new ‘beau-on-the-UFO’ has left everyone flabbergasted.

Now, let me clarify, this isn’t your standard E.T. We’re not talking some tentacled, slime-dripping oddball who can’t wrap his head – or whatever he uses for thinking – around a simple game of Bingo. Nope! Granny’s Venusian gent is, quite frankly, a charmer.

Posh from antenna to pseudopod, he carries himself with a grace that would make Fred Astaire look like he had two left feet and limoncello in his system. And yes, he does have lime-green skin, bones on the outside, and we’ve all started calling him Zork. But love is blind, right?

We first met Zork one sunny Sunday. Grandma said she wanted us all over for roast and after we finished the Yorkshire pudding, she said she’d got a surprise. Picturing her crazy knitting projects or rhubarb pie, we waited till she appeared, arm in arm with Zork. Suffice to say, Rhonda dropped her apple cobbler and Bobby nearly choked on his cola. Honestly, who could blame them?

After the initial shock, Zork, surprisingly, did quite well at winning us over. Particularly charming was how he used his gamma ray function to heat the barbecue, or teleported Nana’s kitty from the kitchen counter to her lap across the room when she complained of not being able to reach it. At least someone can handle the old cat’s moods; we salute you, Zork!

Yet, the highlight was certainly when Zork and Grandma danced. As his spaceship’s tune floated out over the back yard, they swirled and twirled under the stars, illuminating the night. He twirled her like she was no more than a twenty-year-old, and her laughter rang out in sheer joy, echoing across the darkened lawn.

Now, we’re not denying that this isn’t odd. Freddie swears he saw Zork snacking on engine oil, and once Patty caught him communicating with their cattle. There’s also the matter of how he accidentally used his tractor beam on the neighbor’s lawn ornaments. But hey, what Romeo doesn’t have his quirks?

As for Granny, she’s never been happier. She says love is about looking past the antennae, the green skin, or the small matter of being from an entirely different planet. It’s about that cosmic connection, that galactic glow that lets you star-cross galaxies just to be together.

We still have our doubts. I mean, come on, what about when they start arguing about whether Earth’s the center of the Universe or not? They say love’s a universal language – but has Granny considered the fact that her beau speaks Venusian?

But Grandma just laughs and tells us to ‘watch for shooting stars.’ Maybe love’s a leap of faith, whether it’s terrestrial or celestial. At least the Venusian has given us a lot of BBQs while straightening our satellites. What if Granny has got it right all along? Venusian, mailman or flippin’ merman, love is love. And perhaps that’s the best and the funniest part of it all! But heaven help us if their wedding ceremony involves crop circles!