Houston’s Haunted Highways: Ghostly Drivers Ignite Urban Legends!

Highway Hysteria has hit Houston! Local commuters are going bonkers over strange spectral sightings on the city’s well-trafficked roads. This isn’t your typical traffic news, folks!

Let’s put it this way: most cities are haunted by congestion, pot holes, and reasons to use your horn excessively. But here in the heart of the Lone Star State, we’ve had to add one more annoyance to the list – Ghostly drivers!

Reports are coming in hot and fast like flapjacks on a Sunday mornin’, folks! Lonesome drivers cruising the city’s interstates are swearing left, right, and center that spectral figures have been manifesting in their rearview mirrors, only to vanish faster than a politician’s promise.

You heard it right, folks, this ain’t no episode of ‘Casper the Friendly Driver’! One of our sassy sources, a late-night taxi driver named Earl, revealed his eerie encounter, “There I was, hauling it down the I-10. Everything was as empty as my bank account, except for this spectral sedan that began tailgating me!” Earl shared shakily, holding a ‘Wish You Were Here’ mug tighter than a lid on a boiling pot.

“The crazy thing was, the car was all hazy, like when you’ve had one too many at the bar. And the driver…she was a lady. Pale…almost glowing. And staring right at me. And next thing I know, poof! Vanished!”.

Gone like yesterday’s brisket, Houstonians are left puzzled, frightened, and with eyebrows raised higher than a Texan’s pride!

And there’s more, dear readers! A few brave souls claim these phantasmal phenomena are not confined to the terrifying tarmac. Rather, they’re seen around road signs, traffic lights, even gas stations. Routinely appearing and disappearing as if they’re part of some spectral synchronized swimming performance!

Weirdly enough, our ‘Spook Central’, a.k.a. the Houston Traffic Management Center, have started receiving calls reporting otherworldly obstructions. “We’ve received over twenty calls this month alone!” Assistant Director Carl shared with us, concern etching his face more than a job in public service usually does. “People are scared, confused, and frankly, a little amused.”

Meanwhile, conspiracy theorists are having a field day, confirmed by our resident ex-alien abductee, ‘Third-Eye’ Floyd. Sporting a shirt that read, ‘I brake for ghosts’, Floyd had this to say, “It’s a government experiment! I got my sources, man. They’re testing astral projection technology to control traffic.”

On the flip side, a spiritualist from the paper-thin ‘Psychics and Medium Society of Houston,’ held a makeshift séance around a traffic cone, and came to a different conclusion, “These spirits are tied to the city. It’s a karmic speed trap of souls that over revved their life engines too fast!”

As you buckle up for your morning commute, Houston, be prepared for more than just merging madness. You might just be sharing the road with the city’s new shade-shrouded motorists. Remember, keep those eyes peeled, stay in your lane, and for Pete’s sake, don’t forget to signal!

While these goings-on are as bizarre as cowboy boots on a cockroach, they serve as a reminder of the phrase often thrown about – Houston, we have a problem. This time, however, the problem seems to be as intangible as the smoke from a well-done brisket. Stay safe and keep those headlights bright, Houston! After all, dead men may tell no tales, but they sure as heck are causing traffic.