Manila’s Mango-Munching Mermaids: Sea Sirens Steal Fruit, Flee to Sea!

In an absolutely astounding instance, Manila has been rocked by the seafaring saga of mango-loving mermaids! Emporium owners on the coast are screaming, “Shiver me timbers!” as these enchanting fashionistas of the sea are causing hullabaloo, unabashedly making off with the cherubic fruits of life!

Crazy, you say? Your eyes widening with disbelief? Brace yourselves as we delve deeper into this tantalising tale. Never before has maritime intrigue fused so fruitfully with myth and mystery!

Lest you think us victims of some seaman’s sunstroke, we have a first-hand witness account. 85-year-old fisherman, Mariano “Mango Mariner” Magsaysay, bares his soul in this jaw-dropping expose. According to ol’ Magsaysay – the grizzled duke of the docks – he’s been witnessing this fishy heist for the past fortnight.

“There I was preparing me bait when I spotted a flicker out the corner of me eye,” he recounts, puffing on his weathered pipe. “And what do I see? Mermaids! Not just one, but a whole shiver of ’em! They flounced onto the docks, swiped mangoes from me stash, and shimmied back into the sea!”

You heard it right, folks. Mermaids. Not content with just existing beneath the briny depths, they’ve come ashore, their fishy fins flapping, and are raiding our mango supplies. And it’s not just Magsaysay. Several other shopkeepers have come forward about their fruit stocks suddenly disappearing.

“Don’t get me started on the mermaids,” complains José “The Juicer” Santos, a beleaguered juice bar manager. “Those sirens of the sea have driven me mango mad. How can I offer a full mango menu without any mangos?”

It’s a calamity, an uproar, a true fruit fiasco in Manila. One has to wonder, though: Why mangos? Could there be a fruit feud beneath the waves we’re unaware of? Are the mermaids preparing for a coup? Peter “The Pulp” Reyes, our resident mermaid expert armed with a PhD in Mythical Marine Life, has an alternative theory.

“Mermaids have a notorious affection for anything sweet and it seems they’ve developed a singular attraction to mangoes. It’s likely due to the mango’s high sugar content,” Reyes explains. “Contrary to popular belief, mermaids don’t exclusively consume seaweed and seafood. They feed on ‘energy-rich’ fruits and that’s where mangoes come in!”

Meanwhile, the mango-lovin’ maids from the sea are triggering a golden opportunity for the savvier entrepreneurs among us. Pop-up vendors offering mango-themed mermaid merchandise have sprung up alongside Manila’s embattled fruit emporiums. Charmed by the enchanting allure of these mythical creatures, the public has flocked to these stalls, buying everything from sparkly mermaid tail-shaped mango peelers to books on undersea mango orchards.

Marina “Mermaid Memorabilia” Martinez, a former olive vendor turned mermaid-merchandise mogul, shares her thoughts. “People are enthralled by the mermaids, and even more so by their peculiar penchant for mangoes. Who am I to argue with popular demand? We’ve got scale-covered mango scoopers, seaweed-infused mango jellies, adorable mermaid-shaped mango juicers, you name them!”

Oh, Manila! A city graced by the sea, aching with mangoless melancholy, yet buzzing with financial gusto. The mango-munching mermaids have caused quite a stir, igniting a frenzy and folklore like no other. As we end this breathtaking bulletin, one question still dances in our heads: What’s next on the menu for our adventurous sea sirens?