Portland’s Pancake-Flipping Poltergeists: Ghostly Chefs Serve Up Breakfast Mysteries!

Beware, dear readers of the Secret Informer, there is currently a particular phenomenon shaking up the city of Portland. Residents are waking up to the terrifying and hilariously curious sensation of breakfast wafting into their nostrils even before they’ve set foot out of their beds, and this culinary anomaly has everyone asking who, or even WHAT is covering them in maple syrup.

The Rose city, known for its lush parks, bicycle paths, coffeehouses and environmentally conscious living, has now added a new attraction to its list – ghostly pancake flippers. You heard that right! We’re talking about spectral chefs conjuring up a storm in the kitchen, all while you’re dreaming about unicorns pogo-sticking over rainbows.

People from all corners of the city have reported strange happenings, unexplainable clattering of pots and dishes, and the suddenly appearing hot stack of fluffy pancakes soaked in syrup and butter. “I woke up and thought my wife was making breakfast,” said John Rutherby, a local resident. “Imagine my surprise when I walked into the kitchen seeing a floating pancake and scorched skillet!”

One ghoulishly gifted entity has been nicknamed ‘Benedict’ after leaving a trail of perfectly poached eggs in his paranormal pattern. Another, dubbed ‘Waffles’, seems to hold a special affection for turning out gridiron gold just in time for sunrise. Mrs. Butterworth has yet to be reached for comment on these spectral spreaders of her sweet syrup.

For the governments’ part, they’ve tried to pass off these phenomena as mere inconsequential incidences or pranks. A spokesperson for the city’s mayor commented, “These fabled pancake-flipping poltergeists are probably just a result of too many people binge-watching ghost cookery shows while in pandemic lockdown.”

But, if you ask us – we smell something fishy, and it ain’t Ghostly Gordon Ramsay’s grilled salmon!.

Witnesses have reportedly seen ghostly apparitions in their kitchens flipping pancakes with an expertise that could put even the Iron Chefs to shame. One citizen claimed to have glimpsed a spirit wearing a chef’s hat and apron, but when they went to take a picture, their camera inexplicably filled with pancake batter!

Some residents, initially scared, have now grown fond of these friendly phantoms. Why wouldn’t they? Who wouldn’t want to wake up to a kitchen already churning out bacon, eggs and coffee exactly to your liking? It’s a brunch-lover’s dream come true.

However, not everybody is pleased with the early morning surprises. Local diners are reporting a business drop since many residents are now enjoying their breakfasts at home. One disgruntled pancake house owner complained, “When I bought a diner in Portland, I knew I’d have competition but I never thought I’d be out-cooked by ghosts!”

Now, there has been crazy talk – the “Pancake-Flipping Poltergeist” themed culinary tour suggestion is gaining momentum. Of course, anyone with half a brain would dismiss such insanity offhand – why would anyone pay for something they’re getting free at home?

The culinary conundrum has experts and enthusiasts scratching their heads and cross-examining their cookbooks. Skeptics are dismissing this as an incredibly elaborate and effectively executed hoax while others have faith in the fantastic breakfast from the beyond.

What’s for sure is Portland is basking in the buttery, syrupy spectral service of Pancake-flipping Poltergeists. If you’re brave enough, the next time you’re in town make sure to get your overnight stay booked. Free gourmet breakfast tossed up by the friendliest ghosts in town, folks! You never know what could come flipping out of your kitchen next!