Secret Societies Run the IRS: Taxes Going to Alien Protection Programs!

Crikey! Hold onto your hats, folks, because the truth is a wild ride. We’ve all felt the sting of the IRS before, right? Whether a superstar or a regular Joe, no one is safe from their probing (financial) clutches. But do you ever stop to wonder where all those tax dollars are going? Hold onto your knickers, folks, because the Secret Informer has the inside scoop: Secret Societies run the IRS! And those hefty tax bills we all love to grumble about might be funding… Alien Protection Programs!

Yes, you heard it – no need to turn up your hearing aid or adjust your glasses. We’ve been assisting ET and his extraterrestrial buddies, all on Uncle Sam’s dime. If you think about it, it makes perfect sense. Why would anyone willingly hand over their hard-earned cash unless it was for a good cause? And let’s be honest, what’s a more virtuous cause than protecting our visitors from another galaxy?

Unbelievable, but true. Seems those Ivy League boys running the IRS have more to do with Skull and Bones, Freemasons, and Illuminati than one would think. Not only are they smart with money; they’re also running covert operations to keep our alien allies safe from the prying eyes of the unenlightened.

We’ve got the exclusive details, folks, no redactions here. Our sources (who decided to stay anonymous for some odd reason, can’t imagine why) have risked life and limb to whisper the truth into our ear. Your tax dollars, dear reader, are being pumped into Astro-protection, Intergalactic Diplomacy, and Cosmic Cuisine for otherworldly taste buds. No wonder we never have enough for health care and infrastructure; we’re too busy offering 5-star service to galaxy travelers!

Reports suggest that Area 51 is no longer just a storage unit for alien aircraft but a luxury resort for our extraterrestrial emissaries. And you thought your money was going to the Defense budget! Other funds are funneled into clandestine “Neighborly Night Sky” programs that ensure our terrestrial commercials, loud music, and reality TV shows don’t bother our celestial neighbors. Sounds more rational than stocking up on nuclear missiles, to be honest!

As we dig deeper, the plot thickens. Rumour has it, there’s a secret schedule based on the lunar calendar that various heads of secret societies follow for meetings. The Freemasons’ Grandmaster, the Illuminati’s Supreme Guide, and the Skull and Bones’ esteemed Bonesman rub shoulders with the IRS chief and chat over intergalactic relations like they were discussing the Sunday football game.

Still not convinced? Well, a group of skeptics from Maine decided to check it out themselves. They followed their tax dollars right to the doorstep of an imposing, government-run building, only to be turned away by men in black suits. Think they’re just there for tax evasion deterrence? Or maybe they are the real guardians of the galaxy!

Friends, this isn’t just some hare-brained conspiracy theory cooked up by bored tax evaders seeking to find new deductions. This is the real deal. The IRS has a duty, it turns out, that surpasses the comprehension of mere mortals like us. So next time you write that check with tears in your eyes, remember, some happy, tax-protected alien is whooping it up at Area 51 at your expense. At least it’s an out-of-this-world cause!

The truth is, we’d like to thank the IRS and its secret society buddies for the work they’re doing. Let’s face it, who else is going to spend tireless nights keeping our interstellar guests entertained while they visit?

But remember, you heard it here first, folks! Your money isn’t just rotting away in Uncle Sam’s coffers. Every dollar, every cent, is hard at work keeping us in the good books with the universal community. And if that’s not a justification for a tax deductible, we don’t know what is!