Secret Underwater Congress Meetings: Are Politicians Really Merpeople?

Ladies and gentlemen! Prepare to have your gills flabbergasted and your jaws drop faster than kebabs at a BBQ. Just when you thought politicians couldn’t appear any more slippery or elusive, a scandalous revelation has floated to the surface. Apparently, our elected officials are not just lawmakers, they’re allegedly part-fish, part-human too! Hold onto your tentacles, folks. It’s fin-credible!

According to an impeccable Deep State source (who wishes to remain anon-fin-mous for fear of being turned into calamari), some of our fine gilled-gents and gentle-ladies from Congress have been using the Congressional Pool for a lot more than just practising their backstrokes. If our sources are to be believed, they’ve been diving down to participate in clandestine undersea lawmaking sessions!

And we’re not just talking dog paddle either, folks. These savvy vertebrates have been creating policy, drafting bills, and making fin-tastic speeches all while submerged up to 20 feet underwater, in the deep end of the Congressional Pool! Or so claims our source.

This shocking revelation has sparked many questions, chief among them being – just how do they do it? How do they vote? How do they argue Triton-style, underwater, and soundfish-tically maneuver words around like they do on dry land? How deep does this fishy business go, and just how long can these poli-fish-cians hold their breath?

It’s all about the gills, people! Our source claims that a top-secret government-funded scientific experiment took place decades ago, codenamed ‘Operation Ocean Odyssey.’ The objective? To turn politicians into merpeople to better navigate political waters and defy the laws of aqua-dynamics! And you thought you’d heard it all.

But wait, there’s more! These merpoliticians are said to be involved in undersea conferences with an array of underwater creatures. We’re tolkingin about deep discourses with dolphins, eel-ucidating chats with octopuses, and even signing bills with the lobbying of the dreaded barracuda block. Sensational, isn’t it?

Think of all those late-night sessions we assumed were taking place in Capitol Hill. Reality check, citizens – your representatives were not burning the midnight oil; they were actually dancing with the starfish under phosphorescent lights from the deep! Our source revealed that, “The best part of debating a bill underwater is there’s no need for coffee. Nations’ concerns can just keep bobbing forever.”

So the next time you watch a political debate and your delighted lawmaker performs a bait and switch, remember, they’ve been trained by underwater species! Their forked tongues? It could just be their eel-like agility. Their ability to flip sides faster than you can say ‘narwhal’? Unquestionable octopus dexterity.

But the biggest question that comes fluttering out of this fishy tale is why? Why create this secret world of underwater lawmaking? The answer it seems, is as murky as the depths they reportedly lurk in.

Our source suggests that the covert nudibranch crowd feels the real, land-forum is overfished and too eel-ection focused. Their answer? An underwater Congress, away from the prawn-ing eyes of the media where they’re free to debate and deliberate in peace. Ladies and gents, it’s official – we’re drowning in conspiracy!

Do our politicians have gills? Are the quiet ones the best swimmers? Has the ability to enact laws been decided on how fast one can outswim a rogue wave? Is this tale fishy or true? Only time – and high tides – will tell.

Meanwhile, we have a sturgeon calling for a full-scale investigation. God bless the Secret Informer, always stirring the current, tapping the underbelly, and leaving no stone unturned, or in this case, no seashell unopened!

So, next time you see your dapper representative gracefully gliding through the halls of Congress, take a good look. Are those really Italian leather brogues on their feet, or the premium version of flippered fins? As informed citizens, it’s snapper-tively our responsibility to find out!