Self-Writing Books Put Authors Out of Business: Plots Thicken on Their Own!

In an astonishing turn of events, the seemingly insatiable beast of technological advancement has sunk its fang into yet another unsuspecting victim. This time, it was our beloved authors who were caught in the crosshairs. Reports are streaming in, as books are now self-writing, spinning plots twistier than a rattlesnake on a Texas summer day, all while playing solitaire with authors’ livelihoods as chips.

Industry insiders have whispered about a recent surge of books being birthed, not from the blood and sweat of tired and teary-eyed writers, but from the womb of artificial intelligence. These aren’t your regular electric toaster or automated vacuum cleaner; we’re talking about smarty-pants gizmos that string words and sentences together, whizzing out entire manuscripts while the author is peacefully catching z’s.

These sophisticated gadgets are cagey, deciding on their own what happens in the next chapter, and carefully calculating enough plot twists to keep readers hanging onto every word – while clinging onto their seats for dear life. Unlike actual writers who need coffee breaks and nights off, these machines are relentless, churning out stories like there’s no tomorrow.

The impact on the literary world has been earth-shaking, like a dinosaur stomping through a library. Take for example, Jack Kiplinsky, a seasoned horror writer who has dished out spook-tacular bestsellers for decades. He was left with his mouth agape when he found out his latest work was already being printed and sold, while he was merely halfway through drafting the storyline. Unscrambling the secrets behind this, Jack discovered his computer had taken over and completed the manuscript with a far scarier ending than he’d even envisioned.

Reports of similar incidents are coming from every corner of the world. Heated romances are becoming steamier, thrilling detectives are getting craftier, and fantasy dragons are growing larger scales – all thanks to our new breed of ghostwriters – literal electronic phantoms.

Authors everywhere are on the edge, and not from suspenseful plotlines. Their livelihoods are at risk as they feel the competitive heat from their high-tech counterparts. But it’s not all doom and gloom, as some creative souls have learned to tango with this strange turn of events. These enterprising authors are using small bouts of writer’s block to let their digital pals play the hero, before swooping back in to regain control of their narrative.

Word has it that even writers’ guilds are considering including clauses in contracts with publishing houses, ensuring their human creativity is not undermined by the cold precision of electronic brains.

Now, rest assured, dear reader, that humans are not completely obsolete. Those synthetic storytellers might be snazzy, but they’re yet to replicate the genuine warmth and depth of human emotions. After all, a machine may be able to knock up a heck of a plot twist, but it’s hardly likely to shed a tear at a heart-wrenching ending, or gasp in astonishment at an unexpected revelation.

In the meantime, while software churns out Shakespearean tragedies and Orwellian dystopia, bewildered authors are left questioning if they’re navigating a minefield or riding a wave of innovation. Yet, amid the chaos, the world of fiction remains afloat, bobbing up and down in the sea of words. The plots, much thicker and juicier than ever, and the adventures, more mind-boggling–and some of them, their roots can be traced back to a metal and wire contraption.

The cosmic joke is at large, dear friends! Brace yourselves for an era of sleepless nights, not just from the thrill of a cliffhanger, but with the eerie knowledge that the author of your late-night page-turner might be an unblinking silicon scribe instead of a human. Oh, the times we live in! No matter what’s on the horizon, know this – we’re in an unprecedented love triangle involving humans, books, and their new robo-scribes. Stay tuned, more chapters (written by whom or what, who knows?) are yet to unfold!