Tallinn’s Teleporting Taxis: Riders Report Mysterious Journeys Through Time!

Holy hiccups, have we got a scoop that’s going to make your head spin and your jaw drop! You’ve caught buses and ridden bicycles, you’ve ascended skyscrapers in resplendent elevators and descended into cavernous subways. But brace yourselves, voyagers of the vertical and horizontal, because the cosmos has coughed up a commuter’s conundrum that’s as punchy as a pickled gherkin on a toothpick!

Stand clear of the closing doors, because we’re talking about teleporting taxis, baby! Buckle up for a ride exploding with questions that only the Secret Informer has the guts—and the gall—to expose!

In Tallinn, that timeworn town in the tiny country of Estonia, taxi riders are finding themselves caught in timeslip detours. That’s right, folks—the meter jumps not only in miles or kilometers, but in minutes and millennia, too. Your garden-variety cabbie’s now a part-time spacetime chauffeur!

It all started when mustachioed motorist Bob “Bobby Boy” Lukas was making his usual rounds in Old Tallinn. He picked up a couple of giggling girls from a nightclub at 2 am and dropped them off just one street away—exactly 10 seconds later! The kicker? The ride should’ve taken 7 minutes. His TomTom navigator almost had a digital stroke while trying to calculate the impossible speed.

The girls, initially too sozzled to do anything but giggle at the confusing circumstances, sobered up quicker than a cork pops champagne when they stepped out of the cab to find themselves… still at the club? That’s right—somehow they’d traveled from the nightspot on vodka alley to the SAME nightspot…but the vodka was now moonshine and the alley was a cobblestoned medieval street!

You’d think that was the first and last time this would happen, but no siree! Citizens across Tallinn soon reported equally eerie experiences. There was Rhonda Rhodesmith, a head-turningly glamorous woman, who hailed a taxi outside a fashion boutique clutching designer bags. Twenty minutes later, she arrived at the hair salon – which was just 10 buildings away! As she stepped out of the taxi, her smart bob was disheveled and her chic modern outfit had become a mid-1980’s power suit, shoulder pads et al.

Then there was the wacky incident involving bespectacled boffin Stanley Shingles and his Weimaraner, Rufus. They were en route to the dog park, when their ride took them back to the Jurassic Era! The doggie bag Stanley held was suddenly replaced by a dank, dripping chunk of Brontosaurus steak. Good thing Rufus was on a grain-free diet! Memories of their prehistoric escapade faded, as dreams do upon waking, once they stepped back onto the sidewalk with their fellow, utterly oblivious 21st-century dwellers.

These aren’t isolated instances, dear readers. With every passing day, we’ve been receiving more and more reports of these temporal taxi treks! One man claimed he ended up in a future where everyone was bald, banana-peel skirting hoverboards powered the city, and laughter was harnessed as a renewable energy source. Our devious sense of humor ensured he made it back to today without a hair out of place!

Multiple theories offer strobe-like illumination on this peculiar phenomenon. Some propose that the city’s medieval spirit has somehow seeped into the cabs, causing temporal hiccups. Others think that ancient alien technology, triggered by Bobby Boy’s cheap cologne, is to blame. And then there are those who simply shrug, mumble “Bermuda Triangle,” and get on with their day.

Tallinn’s taxis have always had a reputation for surprising fares, but this gives “surge pricing” a whole new meaning. Whether it’s a wormhole under the city, a fluke fuel mishap, or an alliterative journalist with an overactive imagination, things are certainly far from ordinary in Estonia’s capital.

Are these teleporting taxis a 5-star opportunity for time-traveling tourism, or are they one lewd limerick away from turning Tallinn into a caveman colony or a future freak fest? Only time will tell. Until then, here’s your change – keep the tip, and keep your secrets with the Secret Informer! Safe travels, wherever (or whenever!) you’re heading.