From the darkened skies to the crumbling city-street craters, when you think it cannot get any weirder – it just did! Extraterrestrial beings from a distant galaxy are now offering to fix potholes for free! You heard it right! The local city council is seriously considering this incredible intergalactic offer.

Over the past week, people have witnessed what they thought was an exceptionally bright star that moved erratically in the night sky. Suddenly, that bright star morphed into an alien mothership descending towards city hall. Mayhem ensued!

Reports were flooding in, residents and tourists alike snapping photos of the spaceship that had a logo resembling a strange-looking creature holding a futuristic tool – something like an inter-galactic pothole patching device. On top, a message in neon green lights flashed, “Free Pothole Repair”.

City council meetings are generally sleepy affairs, but the latest one was off the charts! This UFO-poised proposition had heads reeling and left jaws dropping. However, amidst the shock and awe, an intriguing opportunity emerged: Could we really allow extraterrestrials to fix our infernal pothole problem?

City officials, usually not known for their adventurous streak and willingness to entertain bizarre propositions, surprisingly didn’t dismiss the idea out of hand. Instead, eyebrows were raised, and at least one official was heard asking, “How soon can they start?”

Saving taxpayer dollars is always a top priority, and the idea of exploiting advanced alien technology for terrestrial civic duties instead of galactic destruction is utterly outlandish yet intriguingly cost-effective. Besides, Miller’s Road has needed repairing since the last millennium – and even gravitational waves can’t escape that thing.

The thorny issue of extraterrestrial work permits immediately sprang up. But since none of the city council members is an expert in space law, the issue remains unresolved. A noteworthy debate has sparked. Even inter-galactic healthcare is taken into consideration, especially if the aliens develop a nasty case of Earth-Flu or become allergic to our city’s notoriously spicy chili burritos.

Despite humorous implications, this is not just a potential act of unprecedented international – no, make that intergalactic – cooperation. It could represent a significant change in how we, earthlings, manage infrastructure. Finally, we might be on the verge of getting rid of the dreaded potholes, thanks to our new inter-galactic colleagues.

However, a few council members voiced their concerns. What if the aliens demand to be paid in gold or cat videos or – gasp – our beloved donut holes, or worse, what if they plant hidden tracking devices under the guise of pothole repair? Conspiracy theories are swiftly conquering the community faster than you can say “Bigfoot”.

Despite boiling concerns, a substantial portion of the community seems to be accelerating towards this unworldly offer. Nightly vigils have now become a city spectacle with the community gathering on rooftops, earnestly waiting for the mothership of pothole repair warriors to descend from the heavens.

The city council has agreed to continue deliberations on this alien pothole proposition at the next meeting. Pending council approval and assuming negotiations with the extraterrestrials go smoothly, galactic pothole repairs could commence as early as next month.

The universe has always been our last frontier, but who in their wildest dreams thought our interstellar endeavors would include pothole mending from aliens? The truth is indeed stranger — and funnier — than fiction! Until then, we earthlings are strapped in for a ride that is poised to blast the city’s pothole problem into a different galaxy. Stay tuned for the buzz – is E.T., the Experienced Technician, going to operate right on our land?

Summer was just starting to sizzle and the sandy beaches were calling, but folks in the small coastal town of Pebble Cove had their beach plans swiftly curtailed. Why? Because they woke up to find their beloved beach vanished into thin air. Gone! Completely! Who was the culprit you ask? Was it thieves seeking a sandy treasure? Far from it, dear readers! It was aliens from the great beyond! Yes, UFOs – no less!

It began with a quiet night, just the gentle lapping of the waves against the shore. Around midnight, the slumbering town was shaken out of their collective dream-alley by a noise akin to maybe a hundred sequoia trees being trimmed by chain saws manned by over zealous lumberjacks in the grips of a caffeine high. As windows rattled and dogs bayed, it was brave old Mrs. Smith who dared to peek out her window. And, boy oh boy, did she get an eyeful!

Hovering over their local paradise were three ginormous UFOs casting an eerie, green glow against the night sky. Their bottoms opened like in those alien invasion movies, sucking in sand like there was no tomorrow.

How much sand you may ask? Well, let’s say enough to fill up the Grand Canyon, and then some! Precisely 3 miles of beachfront by dawn, gone! Swallowed up by the ravenous alien beach bandits!

The townsfolk, shocked and bereaved, could do nothing but watch. “It was like my favorite margarita machine had lost its lid and was splurting its contents uncontrollably,” lamented resident beach bum and apparent margarita connoisseur, Barry Hemingway. Barry had planned a luau that night. Needless to say, it ended up more ‘Loo-where?’ rather than Luau!

As the sun rose, sorrow turned to anger. Vacation plans were evaporated faster than water in a popcorn maker. All the sand castles that kiddos had laboriously built, were now probably space sand castles. Rumor has it, the UFOs stole enough sand to create their own Martian Mar-a-Lago.

The local tourist board was distressed. Their prized asset was now playing hide and seek in an extraterrestrial sandbox. How does one attract tourists to a beach that’s not there? The board is now scouring eBay for a suitable quantity of replacement sand.

In the wake of the sand snatching incident, theories abound. Professor Indy Anna Jones of Unknown University wagers that the aliens needed the sand to fulfill an essential requirement. “It’s quite possible”, he opined, “that the aliens needed silica, a major constituent of sand, to construct infra-red proof swimwear, perfect for a sunny day on Venus.”

As outlandish as it might seem, this has created a schism in vacationers. The sand-starved are furious with the interstellar interlopers, but the adventurous are thrilled. “I’d pay top dollar for space sand souvenirs! Imagine my friends’ surprise when I serve cocktails in a Venusian sand cup,” grinned tourist Felicity Trend.

With no real solution, the local authorities have appealed for calm and patience. They are also considering renaming Pebble Cove to Pebble-No Cove to accurately represent the new geographic condition.

Meanwhile, the sand thieves continue to elude capture. There have been sightings and speculations. But as of now, the whereabouts of Pebble Cove’s beach and the unsolicited interstellar visitors remain as elusive as ever. Until then, dear readers of The Secret Informer, keep an eye on your yards. Who knows, you might just wake up to find your flowerbeds making their Pluto debut!

Hold onto your newspapers, Earthlings, because this is news from out of this geosphere! Your Stetsons will be knocked clean off when you hear about this: Top secret, confidential, “need-to-know” cosmic missions are happening as we speak! And the aim? Establishing extraterrestrial frat parties, apparently! No, the Secret Informer hasn’t gone nuts, we’re reporting straight from the horse’s, er, astronaut’s mouth.

Imagine this: Space-suited heroes propelled into the deep and dark expanse of the universe, not for some humdrum stargazing, satellite fixing, or for Moon’s gray rock auditing, but to slap extraterrestrial five, share some cosmic jokes and draw up galactic friendship treaty!

Now, we’ve all seen astronauts like Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin take a spin on the moon while trying to look nonchalant but this is something else. What you don’t know is that ‘moon walks’ are now more like ‘Milky Way bar hopping.’ Our astral explorers are supposedly meeting with green, three-tentacled pals at popular Galactic diner ‘Starpucks’ and swapping space yarns over nebula coffees.

The Secret Informer’s highly reputable, not-at-all-fictional whistle-blower, codename Starman, leaked this perplexing information. Recently trapped in a Mars rover selfie, you’ll recognize him as the one giving the ‘peace’ sign, apparently the latest trend in interplanetary greeting.

So, where’s the evidence for this close encounters of the friendly kind, you ask? The proof is literally written in the stars, folks. Starman provided images of astronauts dancing the ‘Universal Shuffle’, the hottest dance routine in the Andromeda Galaxy, originally made famous by alien pop idol, Zorgg.

But it gets weirder. These space heroes floating in the black infinity are allegedly partaking in alien customs while dining on moon-cheese pizzas and sipping Martian Mai-tais. Reports have even surfaced of high-stakes cosmic poker, where the bet isn’t chips, but galaxies! Who knew our astronauts had such luck… or such real estate?

It seems the Milky Way isn’t merely a mass of stars and cosmic dust, but a hive of interstellar camaraderie and celebration! Dinner hosted in the Venus Mansion, theatrical shows in Saturn’s rings and guided tours of Jupiter’s storms are regular engagements for these astronauts turned diplomats. Not to forget, shopping sprees in star-studded Martian malls, selling the latest line of meteor-inspired fashion.

Weird artifacts have also started to appear in astronauts’ personal locker, like the spiked bat from Pluto made for anti-gravity baseball, and mini colorful models of a UFO from the gift shop near the Orion’s belt. And let’s not even get started with the countless triangular, crop-circle-making keys as souvenirs.

One might wonder: why haven’t we seen these cosmo-friends visiting us? Well, according to Starman, Earth’s climate is a bit too warm for their liking. They prefer the cool, breezy -270 degrees of outer space. Plus, they apparently find our obsession with reality TV quite baffling.

Don’t believe us? Recently, numerous astronauts were overheard nonchalantly talking about their “alien friends” at Mission Control and others came back home with an uncanny fascination for the color green.

As the demand for space missions skyrocket, can we all agree it’s less about scientific exploration, and more about making friends with the little green men?

Seriously, you can drop the pretense, NASA! The earthlings are ready to be part of the Galactic Federation of Friendships! Sure, there might be a little language barrier and our dance moves might need some serious work. But we can assure you – Earthlings throw the best parties in this side of the Milky Way!

So until we know more, keep your telescopes pointed towards the horizon and you might just spot an astronaut and a green, gelatinous creature raising their Martian Mai-tais in a toast to their interstellar bromance.