The Ectoplasmic Elevator: Going Up or Down to Another Dimension!

Well, reader, you’ve seen it all! People being abducted by aliens at night, Elvis eating a burger at a local fast food chain, cryptids running amok in a quiet suburb…Yet again, we have another earth-shaking story that’s blowing our minds right out of the cosmos. We’re talking the talk, riding the wave, and taking the leap into the bottomless pit of paranormal pandemonium… literally. This is about the ‘Ectoplasmic Elevator’.

Hold on to your armchairs, folks! It seems the supernatural spirits aren’t sticking strictly to spooking innocent folks in desolate farms or abandoned mansions anymore. Now they’re taking a ‘lift’ in our modern world. Didn’t sign up for a new travel agent, did you? Too bad! Because a mysterious, ghostly elevator has popped up in the inconspicuous underground car park of, you guessed it, an insurance firm in much-hassled Hackney somewhere!

Don’t be fooled by the flickering bulbs or the normal-looking buttons because that dull old freight elevator ain’t the same. It takes you places – literally and figuratively – that are out of this world. Just ask Benny ‘Bewildered’ Berger, a simpleton accountant who stepped in, pressed for the second floor, and instead, his Tuesday took a detour through the astral plane!

“My tie was levitating, and I saw strange blobs of neon swirling around,” Benny recounts in terrified disbelief. “Then suddenly, Bob Marley appeared in a hula skirt and began singing German opera. He also offered me a sandwich!”

According to Dr. Ivana Ghol, self-proclaimed spirit expert and internationally acclaimed fairy whisperer, the phenomenon is an ‘Entity induced Portal Translocation’ or EiPT, where the natural spatial dimensions can be folded and stitched by supernatural beings through quantum entanglement to create a temporal-spatial rift.

“Think of it as a callback. Not to your ex, but to your past, future, and alternative lives all happening at once. It’s simple stuff, really,” explained the unfazed Dr. Ghol while gnawing on a pencil that had mysteriously caught fire during our Zoom chat.

So far, we’ve had reports of close encounters with dinosaur cowboys, lunch breaks on mars, serenading gargoyles, an afterlife rave party, a giant peanut disco, and let’s not forget, Abraham Lincoln playing beach volleyball with the Golden Girls! All this without even pushing a button! Huzzah!

Despite the spectral shock, many employees are excited about this elevator to another dimension. Doris Dabworthy, the octogenarian receptionist known for knitting her world-famous ugly Christmas sweaters, reportedly found her youth on the 7th dimension, on a Tuesday. Beaming, she now sings pirate sea-shanties while cartwheeling around the premises. She reports that her arthritis has miraculously disappeared, and she can’t stop doing TikTok dances.

But it ain’t all rainbows and unicorns, dear readers. Security guard, Randal ‘Rocky’ Robinson, unfortunately, caught the elevator down into a dystopian dimension where humans are servants to hyper-intelligent raccoons. He now fears every rustle in the bushes and refuses to take out the trash.

Is this ectoplasmic elevator a boon or a bane? Going up or down? Well, dear friends, the ‘up’ and ‘down’ doesn’t seem to matter much now. It’s about hopping on for a ride, and wherever you land, don’t forget to grab a sandwich from Bob Marley. Because who knows when you’ll be back for lunch or what dimension your tuna mayo might end up in? Buckle up, folks. The Elevator of the Ectoplasmic is here, and it is really pushing our buttons!