The Intergalactic Post: Aliens Start Their Own News Outlet, Claim Earth Media Is Biased!

“In an earth-shattering development, beaming through the cosmos straight to our office, our little blue planet has just been made privy to the celestial scandale du jour: extraterrestrial entities have decided to turn the tables on terrestrial media! Deeming it horribly biased, and quote ‘wildly bizarre,’ aliens have launched their own news outlet: The Intergalactic Post!

It was just another ordinary day, or so we thought. Lunch was half-eaten, curious rumors of unicorn sightings were being investigated, but then – we received a strange digital transmission. Originating from a point in space currently unnamed by NASA, this message spread an eerie silence across our office, even causing our patently imperturbable coffee maker to pause its incessant brewing.

Translating alien code isn’t anyone’s forte here at Secret Informer, but why play by the mundane rules when reality is stranger than fiction? After a perplexing debate led by office intern-cum-semi-professional-alien-enthusiast, we finally managed to decode the cryptic alien communique.

Lo and behold, a spectacular tale unfolded! Merely tired of being misunderstood, the intergalactic folks beamed into our cyberspace their inaugural issue of ‘The Intergalactic Post’. A slick alien-designed website informed us this would be a breakthrough in cross-galactic communication, offering ‘unbiased news, straight from the horse’s – er, extraterrestrial’s mouth.’

The first news article, ironically, was a stinging critique of earthly media, titled, ‘Probing the Earth’s Media: A Tale of Misinterpretation.’ The report dished out on how the portrayal of aliens as green-skinned, bulbous-headed, probe-wielding invaders was, in reality, ‘alien’ to them. They claimed with admirable resilience to love peace, pop-culture references, and a delicacy they likened to earth’s pizza!

A zany column on the perils of interstellar travel had us in splits, as it explained how extraterrestrial explorers often got mistaken for meteors by earthlings and, surprisingly, ended up in Russian dash-cam footage!

The so-called ‘fashion section’ detailed the space trendsetters, who have been experimenting with a myriad of material not existing on Earth. Polyester and linen, it appears, are passé to these swaggering trend pioneers!

While we chuckled over the ‘Intergalactic dating tips’, which hinted at Martian singles being the most sought after across the cosmos, a hearty laugh ensued as they referred to how their popularity spiked every time an earth movie portrayed them as heartthrobs (particularly those dashing stereotypes with high cheekbones and eyes that pierce your soul).

The usual chaos of our office was replaced with a comedic calm, with every bizarre line we read, every outrageous claim, every extraterrestrial expose. Auras of amazement, curiosity, and the pure pleasure of learning about our new intergalactic neighbors wafted through the office.

Ironically, the interspecies media revolution neither arrived with a bang nor an apocalypse, but with the crackling sound of alien news broadcast cutting through the silence of space. It proves that humour transcends all barriers, whether earthly or otherworldly, and it’s time that we recognized our place in the universe is beyond our mundane headlines.

While they might feel underrepresented and misunderstood by our media, their approach of starting ‘The Intergalactic Post’ just might bridge that galaxy-wide communication gap. All we can proclaim now is: may the force of unbiased journalism be with us all!”