Time Machine For Sale on eBay, Slightly Used, Some Millennia Missing!

Ladies and Gentlemen! Roll up, roll up! What do we have here today? It’s not a bird; it’s not a plane, but it’s your golden ticket to the past, and future, all in one! “Used Time Machine For Sale!” screams the latest listing on Internet’s mammoth marketplace, eBay! Its condition is quoted as ‘slightly used’ but you might want to read the finer print – because it seems a few millennia have just up and skedaddled!

Can you believe it? It’s as crazy as an alien landing in your backyard and demanding to play board games. Since when did eBay turn into Dimension E — eBay? This radical portal, apparently a time machine, is the newest sensation to hit the World Wide Web and it is not just taking us to 1995 when eBay was born! No siree! We are really hopping across centuries here, folks!

Now brace yourselves for some day-old turkey sandwich droppin’ details. This unique offering is said to be a Tesla/Ford hybrid model, although it’s unknown whether Mister Tesla and Mister Ford would approve of this time-bending union. With a flawless finish that matches Mary Poppins’ spoonful of sugar – practically perfect in every way, barring some scratch marks – it looks more like a fantastical steam-punk creation than a modern Tesla or Ford’s effigy. Still, it definitely gives off vibes of Back to The Future’s Delorean, wouldn’t you agree?

But things get curiouser and curiouser – The fine blue print, tucked away behind the flamboyant description, says, “a few millennia are missing”. The question is, where did they go? Did the machine’s previous owner stop for too long in the Jurassic era, winning a staring contest with a T-Rex, that a chunk of time got lost? Or could it be a case of an infamous tempus fugit mishap? A common problem with time machines these days.

Inquiring minds ponder – Should we be worried about the fate of these missing millennia? Would it mean, for example, if you dialed in 58 BC and hopped in, you’d either end up in a void of nothingness, Reepicheeping across the edge of the known world, or worse, crash bang into 59 BC or 57 BC with no 58 BC in sight? Essentially, are we risking time becoming akin to Swiss Cheese with as many holes as a termite-infested log?

Just like buying a used car, make it a point to examine all the conditions listed and ask the right questions. Don’t forget to check the mileage. Or rather, the ‘timerage’! Is the time flux capacitor in good condition? How sturdy is the space-time continuum at present? Is it inclusive of an instruction manual or at least an interactive Siri? Oh, and don’t forget to ask if it comes with any safeguards for avoiding your past self that could result in a time paradox.

Now, the price is, as one could expect from such a unique item – a whopping 100 stacks of Jeffersons! Well, that means, no student loans, mortgages or your dream vacation to the Galapagos Island! But what’s money compared to the ultimate luxury – Time Travel?

While critics toe-tag it as a spoof, an outlandish gag, they forget – humor is the quickest portal to imagination. And who knows, maybe some ingenious mad scientist-cum-entrepreneur is chuckling behind their screens watching the Internet have a colossal meltdown over this “slightly used” time machine, and who can blame him?

In the end, whether it’s a joke, a gimmick, or a genuine offer from the eccentricity of our world, it’s sure tickling our funny bones, and that folks, is the whole point! So hop in, buckle up, and get ready for a wild ride because, like it or not, the future is here – and it’s online on eBay! Or was it the past? It’s time-traveling we’re talking about here, so it’s complicated.