UFO Crash-Lands in Local Pool: Aliens Just Wanted to Cool Off!

Strap in, Secret Informer readers! We’ve got a story for you that is guaranteed to blow your socks off, so keep those toes warm!

Just when you thought it was safe to dive back into your local pool, we’ve received reports of a UFO crash landing in Maple Grove, the heart of Suburbia, USA! You heard it right, folks. We’re not talking about unidentified floatable objects (those pesky pool noodles, inflatable unicorns or mermaid tails) but an Unidentified Flying Object – an alien spacecraft, to be precise.

The incident occurred last Saturday, when residents were rudely interrupted from their barbecues and pool parties by a crashing sound that was, and I quote, “Like that time Grandpa Joe fell off the roof – only much, much louder.”

One creature emerged from the mysterious spacecraft, and to everyone’s surprise, it wasn’t little green men – it was a sizzling silver alien on a mission to cool off! Our extraterrestrial guest was spotted wearing what seemed to be a shimmery cosmic Speedo to make Michael Phelps green with envy.

“It was like seeing a disco ball in human form,” stated a startled Mrs. O’Leary while pointing at the deep end where the spaceship had crash-landed. Her pool was filled with floating alien ship debris, bizarre half-dissolved space snacks, and one extra-large hypo-allergenic towel made from a fabric not yet discovered by mankind.

Local teen Billy “Buzz” Thompson was live on the scene (his backyard), and claims to have captured the entire incident on film. He described the alien as being “much cooler than any action figure” he owns. Thankfully, our visitor’s sense of swimming pool etiquette was out of this world, as it routinely applied what looked like an intergalactic version of sunscreen – a pinkish goo that exuded a fragrant smell of starfruit and rocket fuel.

People at the scene thought the fireworks had started early when their barbecue turned into an impromptu first contact party. Despite the distinct language barrier and countless attempts to interpret the words, “Gloopy glorp,” it became apparent our space-faring friend simply wanted to chill out in the pool. Don’t we all just need a lazy weekend to relax and rejuvenate every few millennia?

Remarkably, the lanky extraterrestrial guest demonstrated impressive freestyle swimming skills during its visit, which triggered speculation on whether it had previously trained in any galactic Olympic-style event. However, it completely refused to participate in any cannonball contests, instead, preferring to float on its back, eyes closed, basking under our Earthly sun.

Pool-owner and profoundly confused alien host, Ted Thompson, was surprisingly unfazed as he said, “Guess my pool is big enough for an alien spaceship. Need a bigger one anyway.” Out of neighborly goodwill, he offered the intergalactic visitor a cold brew, only to find out that it’s not compatible with extraterrestrial taste buds.

As dusk fell, the silver humanoid casually waved (with three of its spindly fingers) to the shocked onlookers, gracefully climbed back into its spacecraft, and blasted off, catapulting pool water in its wake that saturated numerous burgers and ruined an otherwise well-executed game of badminton. With a magnificent flash of cosmic light, our alien and its spacecraft disappeared into the night sky, leaving behind one bewildered neighborhood and one highly chlorinated, partially destroyed pool.

In conclusion, the next time you decide to get into your pool this summer, remember to check for signs of extraterrestrial activity – unidentified floaties, otherworldly towel fabric, or the frequency of unusual interstellar sunscreen application. And always remember, you’re not only sharing a pool with nosy neighbors and nosediving critters, but possibly a universe eager to plunge into the deep end!