UFO Landing Pads Installed in National Parks: Aliens Welcome!

Attention earthlings and extraterrestrials alike, it’s high time we address the top secret news skimming the surface all over the globe. The chatter around the water cooler and whispers in the local alien enthusiast groups reveal a story so remarkable, so out-of-this-world, it’s almost beyond belief. UFO landing pads have reportedly been installed in national parks across the world, offering a whole new meaning to “camping under the stars”.

Rumour has it that park rangers, trained at NASA’s secret “Ranger Academy” (proof that they’re more than just bear-fighting, forest loving, Brawny paper towel models), have overseen the installation of these alien landing pads.

According to an anonymous source, in-between sessions of arts and crafts with Bigfoot and afternoon tea with the Loch Ness Monster, these rangers have been working round the clock, training raccoons to shovel perfect landing-pad sized circles (a surprisingly adept species at landscaping, it turns out).

The landing sites are alleged to contain technologically advanced amenities for our extraterrestrial visitors. Whisperings suggest that the United Nations, the street-food vending aliens disguised as humans, and Tesla, have collaborated on the project. Anticipate heated landing pads for colder climates, levitation parking for their star ships, pristine sanitation facilities, and even star-maps outlining designated parks for the intrepid alien traveller.

Turns out, Yellowstone National Park isn’t just a hotspot for geysers and buffalo – it’s also appealing for those with a more celestial zip code. Yellowstone and other parks have shown a surge in ‘campers’ reporting strange occurrences during night time – campfires extinguishing themselves, marshmallows mysteriously taking the shape of alien faces – moments that now seem to have a logical (if somewhat alien) explanation.

And let’s not forget our good friend Bigfoot. The hairy cryptid offered a furry shoulder for these aliens to lean on, proving once again his value as the ultimate welcoming committee for uninvited guests.

Of course, no top-secret global initiative would be complete without government participation. Rumors suggest certain ‘men in black’ are in charge of the alien customer service hotline. They are reportedly trained in 150 extraterrestrial languages and dialects, including Martian Morse Code and Plutonian Pig Latin – we hear they are currently grappling with the complexities of Venusian Vowel-Vomit, a language so complicated it makes Klingon look like child’s play.

But why, we ask, are these landing pads being installed? Are we in the midst of an intergalactic migration? Did we make the Milky Way’s top ten vacation destinations? Is it our love for pumpkin spice lattés? One thing’s for sure – Earth’s hospitality game just got galactic!

On a more serious note, locals residing near national parks are puzzled and bemused at the rumors. Some are even ecstatic at the business opportunities arising from interstellar tourism. Imagine souvenir shops selling “I ♥ Earth” t-shirts, restaurants offering ‘Earth’s famous’ burgers to beings used to nebula-noodles or mars-bars, motels claiming ‘Best views of the Milky Way’.

However, it’s not all stardust and ray guns. There are genuine concerns about the potential effects of welcoming extraterrestrial tourists. Would alien visitors have to adhere to park rules? Would they need to pay in Earth currency? What kind of insurance covers a starship collision with a bear? And let’s not even get started on the potential inter-planetary relations with the sasquatch community.

Folks, prepare to pack your space sunscreen and anti-telepathic tin-foil hats because our campgrounds are getting an out-of-this-world upgrade. Remember, you heard it here first, in this secret journal of truth – so top-secret that even the Men in Black have subscribed to our e-newsletter. Soon, it may not be just shooting stars you’ll be spotting on your next camping trip. Say ‘hello’ to our new cosmic tourists because it seems, for our national parks, the sky isn’t the limit after all!