Why the Government Really Builds Bridges: Connecting to Hidden Continents?

Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to have your minds blown wide open. We’ve discovered the actual, non-blundering, unequivocal reason your tax dollars are funneled by Uncle Sam into building those bridges. The reason? No, its not for transportation or ease of commute. No, no, no. It’s all about “Being a Bridge to Beyond.”

That’s right, folks. We’re about to swing open the doors on a government conspiracy so secretive, so astounding, it’ll have you checking under your bed for lurking Merpeople.

The truth is, an anonymous source, let’s just call him “Deep Underpass”, has blown the government facade out of the water (pun, shockingly, intended) with his recent revelations. The reason for bridge-building is to link us to the clandestine and hushed world of Hidden Continents. Yes, alien tourists, it’s time to update your Interstellar GPS!

Hidden Continents! Lands unseen by common human eyes, realms unmentioned in geography classes, locations so exotic they make the Bermuda triangle seem like a kiddie splash pool. These miraculous and mysterious lands, a part of our Earthly globe, are believed to host species that read Darwin’s theory backward, minerals that convert coal into diamond in real-time, and dolphins that have out-evolved humans and learned (gasp!) actual telepathy.

Beyond the concrete and steel of our bridge infrastructure lies an invisible interdimensional portal, a conduit only activated by certain sonic frequencies emitted by government-licensed vehicles. Yeah, we’re talking about the ones that resemble street sweepers but are always suspiciously clean.

Once activated, these portals transport anything on the bridge – cars, humans, unsuspecting hitchhikers, and your subscription-based delivery trucks – into one of these unseen continents. Imagine driving your beat-up old sedan from San Francisco, and, mid-span on Golden Gate, suddenly sunbathing in an alien land with pink beaches and cream soda oceans.

Yes, we can hear your “Wows” and “Ahas.” But why, you ask, would Uncle Sam hide these continents from us like an overprotective brooding hen? Well, in solidarity with your wonderment, reputedly, the inhabitants of these hidden continents possess advancements that are centuries ahead of ours.

Picture everyone having that “Billionaire with the electric cars space-dude’s” kind of wealth. No, no, not as investors in dog-faced digital coins, but in actual alien technology swapped for something as mundane as Netflix subscriptions.

Moreover, the recent rise of bridge construction reportedly directly correlates with the uptick in sightings of creatures previously dismissed as figments of folklore – leviathans in Loch Ness, yetis in the arctic, Mothman in Chicago. Now it all adds up, doesn’t it? Just where do you think they’re commuting from?

So next time you’re stuck in traffic on a bridge, remember – you’re not merely languishing in pedestrian everyday boredom. You’re one sonic boom away from exploring the utopian lands of the hidden continents, chatting with hyper-intelligent dolphins, and maybe, just maybe, finding a parking spot.

Yes, friends, the story of bridge-building is an epic tale of marvel, mystery, and missed opportunities. But shh, remember, you didn’t hear it from us at Secret Informer. Buckle up, as we bridge the gap between the imaginable and unimaginable, unraveling the truth, one conspiracy at a time.

And here’s a friendly tip: the next time the government announces a “Bridges over Nothing” project, remember to pack your alien dictionary and anti-telepathy hat. You might soon be slipping into a land where mythical becomes the reality, and just another day becomes an interdimensional adventure.