Zombie Fish Predict World’s End: Apocalypse to Start from the Ocean!

Get ready to hear something fishy, readers! There are high tides and then there are revelations of biblical proportions. In this case, our prophecy-spewing guttersnipe is none other than the reanimated, zombified fish of Lake Stenchmore! Aquatic residents of this humble yet somewhat ominous body of water, have started doing a more than perfect impersonation of less than perfect undead fortune tellers! Yes, you read that right. Zombie Fish. Apocalypse Predictions!

Legend has it that Lake Stenchmore got its macabre name, and pungent charm, centuries ago when a meteorite crashed into the lake. The meteorite, or as the local lore calls it, “The Chunk-o-Death from space”, was initially mistaken as a massive, out-of-this-world hunk of blue cheese that rats heavily avoided. However, scientists debatably confirmed that there were elements in the meteorite (likely not cheeses) that might cause ‘slight quirks’ in the organic life around the crash site.

Fast forward to today, when these ‘quirks’ have taken a turn for the hilariously horrifying, with lake-dwelling fish carrying out the best zombie impression since Romero’s “Night of the Living Dead.” Rumors are swirling that the resurrected fish are doing a shoddy job of predicting the apocalypse! Despite their lack of vocal cords, their ominous swimming patterns and decomposing fashion sense have allegedly begun echoing doom.

Locals claim that those who observe these zombie fish from the edge of Lake Stenchmore can clearly see them creating shapes. Massive, undulating fishy formations, similar to swarms of starlings but underwater, ghastly and fishier. One fish, dubbed Nostrildamus by the townsfolk, apparently spends hours motionless until suddenly springing into action sending the others into an orchestrated dive-and-turn performance that locals swear spell out messages predicting Armageddon.

These zombie fish predictions, frightening as they may sound, have not dimmed the popularity of Lake Stenchmore. In fact, locals and tourists alike are flocking to the water’s edge to watch the fishy soothsaying unfold. There’s something voyeuristically exciting about one’s impending doom being predicted by reanimated zombie fish. The catch and release fishing community in particular, has gained unprecedented popularity, with anglers bragging about bagging a revivified swimmer or two. There are even T-shirts on sale with – “I got bitten by a zombie fish” slogan.

That being said, renowned skeptics are not biting this tale, hook, line, and sinker. Dr. Fiona Chance, the celebrated marine biologist and no-nonsense debunker of supernatural aquatic events, reportedly guffawed at the concept. Offering her version of events, she mentioned that fish respond to changes in their environment and their behavior changes might be connected to pollution or changes in the water temperature. The zombification, she attests, could be a symptom of disease. But try explaining that to the Nostrildamus fan club!

In response to these zombie-fish prognostications, a statement from the Global Aquatic Supernatural Affairs (GASA) said they were “monitoring the situation closely.” Meanwhile, fish tank owners worldwide are nervously peering into their aquariums, hoping their own finned friends won’t start acting fishy.

The apocalypse, as engaging a topic as it is, is currently pending verification. One thing is for sure though, from oceanic to absurdity, it’s all going to be a real ‘swimmingly’ good time here in Lake Stenchmore.

Are we inching closer to a fish-led apocalypse? Only time will tell. Until then, we recommend enjoying your sushi while you still can! For in this ‘fish eat fish’ world, it’s always better to eat than to be eaten, especially when the menu spells Z-O-M-B-I-E F-I-S-H.