Flying Granny Spotted Over Miami: Claims She’s Late for Bingo!

“Wake up Miami! There exists a geriatric who defies the very laws of gravity and we’re not talking about her ability to hoist herself onto platforms for aqua aerobics. Over the sandy shores and glossy high-rises of Miami, spectators have reported sightings of a flying granny, zooming at breakneck speed, gripping a well-worn bingo dabber in one hand and a sturdy, albeit, enchanted walking cane in another!

This high-soaring, cane-wielding, octogenarian aviator first appeared in the blue skies over South Beach just last Tuesday. Witnesses claim to have seen a sprightly woman hovering over the gleaming Atlantic Ocean, as the sun made its morning appearance.

One stunned dog walker, Frankie ‘Bulldog‘ Malone, said, “I had to check I hadn’t added bourbon to my morning coffee again! She was up there, laughing like a mad woman, and shouting, ‘Bingo, I’m coming for you!’ I couldn’t believe my eyes!”

This airborne phenomenon is no ordinary pensioner. Her distinctive grey coiffure gleams in the sun, her navy cat-eye sunglasses twinkle in the daylight, and her speed is as fast as a flamingo on roller skates! She is the talk of the town, the caped gran-bassador of Miami. Yet, despite her iconic appearance, her identity remains shrouded in mystery.

“We thought it was one of those tech billionaires testing another rocket,” said Officer Juan Ramirez, “but then came the cackles – just like my abuela when she hits the tequila at family reuniones. That ain’t no Elon Musk, that’s for sure.”

Just when you thought it was safe to look up, granny popped up again, this time caught on camera by thrill-seeking Miami teens, who were seized by excitement and confusion. “For a moment, we thought it was a botched 3D print of Superman,” said one teen, “We were trying to decide whether to call Ghostbusters or Batwoman!”

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s Granny Supreme, a title certified by local radio jock, Big Dog Benny, who has his own bets on who this bingo daredevil might be. His money’s on eight-time Miami bingo grand champion, Ethel Goodspeed, who mysteriously vanished from the Bingo circuit during the great Bingo Scandal of ’98.

However, not everyone’s amused by the gravity-defying grandma, particularly the Miami Municipal Bingo Committee. Pearl Miggins, a member since the 80s said, “The whole spectacle’s outrageous! What kind of example is she setting for our well-behaved Bingo folks? We can’t have any of our diligent dobbers thinking it’s okay to hitch a ride on the wind to get to our hallowed halls of bingo!”

Until now, our dear old granny has managed to elude all attempts to identify her or bring her back down to earth. Sightings of her aerial acrobatics continue to pour in, each more absurd than the last. Last spotted hovering outside ‘Miss Patty’s Pancake House’ demanding senior discounts on the ‘All-You-Can-Eat’ offer, she’s reportedly been found in peculiar places like the roof of Benson’s Butchery or at the top of the Glitzy Gables condo complex in the dead of night.

The message from this high-flier? She’s just a regular gran, who happens to take her commitment to the game of bingo very, very seriously. Bit of advice, my Floridian friends: next time you’re in Miami, remember to look up, because you might just catch a glimpse of the ‘Flying Granny.’ And if you do, give her a wave and shout out those magic words, “Bingo! I see you, Granny!”