Ghost Pirate Opens Treasure Hunting Agency: Offers Spectral Ship for Hire!

Hold onto your hats, folks! Spectral schooners and ghostly galleons are sailing into the world of business! The Secret Informer can exclusively reveal that Captain Phineas “Phantom” Hawkins, long-dead scourge of the seven seas, has blown back from the afterlife with a beyond-the-grave business proposal you won’t believe!

Captain Hawkins has set his misty sights on the gold-digging game, trading rusty cutlasses for shiny shovels! The incorporeal privateer, known to pop up at 3 am looking as spry as ever, is recruiting supernaturally inclined gold-diggers to crack earth-bound chest-clasps and split genuine pirate plunder. How do you rent this spectral ship, you may wonder? Keep reading, matey, we have unearthed every ghostly detail just for you!

Believe it or not, the captain livestreams from the other side via 4D Seance-casts (no subscription required). From creaking anchors to phantom parrots, his briny broadcasts fizzle with maritime horror and uncanny authenticity. Viewers swear to hearing whispery sea-shanties drifting through the static!

Despite being in the ghostly business since the Golden Age of Piracy, the spectral swashbuckler insists he’s all about transparency – ironic for a phantom, but who are we to judge? To prove his commitment, Hawkins even shares his eerie entrepreneurial journey, from his first unplanned dive into the spectral realm to his reincarnated venture’s maiden voyage.

To join his spectral crew, adventurers need only craft a grog-muddled plea to the spectral seafarer under the midnight moon – No resumes needed! His response? An eerie breeze, a cellar door creaking mysteriously, or soft squid ink appearing on your bathroom mirror with your first mission’s coordinates. The spookier, the better!

Doubters may pause, but Hawkins assures everyone that the treasure is far from spectral. The loot is as solid evidence of the escapade as the sunken-eye gaze of the ethereal mariner himself. Surviving treasure hunters have regaled us with tales of gleaming gold, shimmering silver, and gleaming gemstones that would make a dragon’s hoard look like play money.

As for expenses and wages, the Captain’s shared locker policy is a straight split among crew members – down to the last doubloon. The ethereal enterprise works on a ghostly honor system, remarkably similar to the cut-throat pirate codes of yore.

Before you pack your spectral sea-bags, there’s one small catch – phantom interspecies rules. Human crew can only interact with fellow spectral entities. Tried to touch a ghostly shipmate’s magnificent beard? Your hand would pass right through! Tried to pet the strangely spectral phantom parrot? It’d fly right through you! Crew members relate that it takes some getting used to, but the lure of buried treasure smooths many a ruffled feather.

And believe it or not, there’s a waiting list! The prospect of ethereal adventures, spectral camaraderie, and tangible treasures has many a thrill-seeker and would-be treasure hunter champing at the bit. Critics point out that existing maritime laws make no provisions for ghost fleets – but then again, when has a minor trifle like the law ever stopped a determined pirate?

So, brace your hearts and hoist spectral anchors, readers! Whether this ghoulish venture lasts as long as Captain Hawkins’ eternal curse or bursts like a spectral bubble at the first light of day, one thing is clear – hunting for ghost pirate treasure isn’t just for the movies anymore!

This is Captain Phineas “Phantom” Hawkins’s spectral sea-faring endeavor, where the ridiculous sails alongside the sublime, and ghost tales waltz with hilarious hokum. A treasure chest of laughs and gasps awaits daredevils bold enough to holler ‘yes!’ at this death-browed phantom. So, buckle up for the ride, because this ain’t your regular 9 to 5 gig.