Haunted House Complains of Living Residents: Seeks Peace and Quiet!

Ladies and Gentleman, brace yourselves! We all know about living people being bothered by spooky haunting or hair-raising specters. From eerie poltergeists who rearrange your furniture to merciless phantoms that make chilling noises in the dead of the night, we’ve heard it all and some of us having witnessed it firsthand. But we’ve just had to go “one-up” on every known law of the Supernatural Universe, where the eerie unearthly realm turned the tables; it’s the haunted house that is shouting, “Humans, give me some peace and solace!”

Yes, you heard it right! In a spooky twist of events, the Mortimer Mansion, a century-old haunted house situated on the outskirts of Rayville, is seeking respite from its living occupants. Sally Specter, the spirited spokesperson of the ghoulish building, broke the spine-chilling news.

In an exclusive séance-cum-interview, Specter moaned, “We have had enough of them!” According to Sally (or rather, according to the dish rattling and spine-chilling draggings she communicated through), awkward midnight snacks and the blaring of reality TV at ungodly hours are more terrifying than materializing from thin air or walking through walls.

The drama started when the Whittaker clan, unabashed seekers of paranormal prowess, moved into the mansion with the intention of gaining spooky street cred. Little did they know, their ceaseless Instagram photo sessions and marathon binge-watching sessions were berging on sacrilegious to the mansion’s spectral squatters.

Their archaic penchant for watching reality television in particular is a bone of contention. “Can you fathom this, invisible to mortal eyes, tormented beyond the grave, and subjected to endless reality TV? Truly, death has no dignity!” clanked an unidentified soothsayer (who wishes to remain anonymous) in morse code via rattling windows.

“Our peace was disturbed. We ghosts were leading a peaceful afterlife,” cried Esmerelda Edge, the resident banshee, through the Whittaker’s eldest terrified daughter, in a horrifying sleep possession incident. Esmerelda further revealed that the Whittakers’ habit of hooting at rugby and squabbling over monopoly is spookier than any phantom.

The Whittaker clan, on hearing their spectral housemate’s plight, was in disbelief. The head of the family, Bob Whittaker, stammered, “I never…we never thought…I mean, we just moved in for the thrill. We didn’t mean to roil the spirits…is it too late to apologize?”

The ultimate paranormal paradox indeed, when the claps, whistles, and shouts of the living could out-ghastly the bone-chilling wails of the phantom family. Who would have thought that peace and serenity could be avowed by ghastly spirits only to be shattered by human cacophony?

As one clanked, “Not even the dead can rest in peace!”

In an understandable turn of events, the spectral occupants of the Mortimer Mansion have decided to scare out the Whittaker Clans from their premises. Poltergeists tossing pasta salads, phantom cat gargling opera at 3 am, apparitions causing rumbles in the laundry room – nothing is off the table to reclaim their tranquillity.

From the ectoplasmic realm, we have had Nero, Napoleon, and Lennon, all echoing the same sentiment – the biggest horror for the dead is the perpetual fear of the harsh reality of living!

That’s it, folks! It’s high time to remember – Even the afterlife deserves some peace. Haunt responsibly! Thus goes the spooky saga of how humanity managed to flabbergast the spectral world. And you thought human beings were the only ones demanding peace, quiet, and the remote control! It seems irony has found its new cozy home – in the heart of the Mortimer Mansion.

Stay tuned with Secret Informer for more hair-raising updates from the world of ghouls, gibberings and, gulp, reality TV. You never know what’s lurking inside those walls or under those beds. In the end, who doesn’t want some peace and quiet, be it the living or the dead? From our fearless correspondent to you, keep those night lights burning and those spirits, both liquid and ethereal, flowing!