Levitating Lawyer Levies Lawsuits: Floats Above Courtroom for Emphasis!

A legal luminary literally soared in the courtrooms recently, leaving judge, jury, and bystanders utterly flabbergasted. The lawyer not only made his arguments with cogency and eloquence but also accented key points by levitating off the ground, yes you heard it right the lawyer was floating!

Attorney Ellison Basykes, known by peers as ‘Eagle-Eyed Ellison,’ raised the bar, this time, with his gravity-defying antics. The high-flying advocate has sent jaws dropping to the courtroom floor, previously renowned for his high-stake litigation cases, and this case was not just high stakes but high air!

At first, the members of the courtroom believed it was one of those typical Monday anomalies, where you think you’ve seen something completely absurd, writing it off as a visual misinterpretation, particularly after a heavy weekend. But, when Ellison hovered two feet above the ground while arguing a point about his client’s right to bear arms, even the most sceptical knew it wasn’t an illusion.

Ellison, seemingly unperturbed by his own vertical trajectory, continued to addressed the court as if floating were as “as mundane as a coffee break”. Now, just imagine a lawyer casting an objection and simultaneously hoisting himself a foot higher in the air, certainly bringing new meaning to the term “Rise in defence.”

Eyewitness accounts recall the jaw-dropping spectacle with a mix of shock and bewilderment. Miss Annabelle Haggerty, the court stenographer stated, “I thought the bench was shaking due to the subway. But then I saw him, hovering above the floor like a courtroom ghost. I would’ve fled, but my typing fingers were frozen with shock!”

Floating Ellison’s opponent, Morton Sloggett, referred to as ‘Murmuring Morton’ was reportedly “utterly disconcerted” with this development too. He believes that his flying foe’s uncanny vertical virtuosity is a distraction ploy. Morton argues: “It’s just not fair; he hangs in the sky like an overzealous angel, making my solid ground arguments seem less weighty. How can I compete?”

Unconfirmed rumours are buzzing that Ellison has become frightfully popular since his ‘uplifting’ performance. He’s inundated with calls by alleged offenders and plaintiffs eager to secure his levitational legal prowess. One reported demand came from a group of individuals seeking a class action lawsuit against gravity itself, because why not?

However, Bailiff Jeff Bowman shed some light on the levitating incident. He claims to have seen a slight shiver run through Ellison’s robes, just before the lawyer took off. Based on this observation, Bowman suspects that Ellison exploits a hidden tech gadget, possibly stashed under his court attire, rendering him temporarily weightless.

Meanwhile, the judge in the case, Honourable Melantha Kriggle has ordered an investigation into this levitating matter. She’s called upon NASA’s finest aeronautical engineers high and low to scrutinize Ellison’s robes for any sign of hidden jet packs or anti-gravity contraptions. Kriggle strongly expressed: “Gravity flaunting shenanigans will not be tolerated in my courtroom!”

A twist in this tale could see the headline “Levitating Lawyer Levies Lawsuits” turn into “Levitating Lawyer Learns Gravity of Law”. So, stay tuned to Secret Informer for exclusive updates!

Meanwhile Ellison, no longer just ‘Eagle-Eyed,’ is riding high on public fascination. Nicknamed now as “The Levitating Lawyer,” Ellison surely has left everyone in suspense – suspense of disbelief, animated debate, or the fear of the courtroom’s ceilings.

Remember, in law, facts matter, and in this case, it seems particularly ‘high’ stakes are at play. So folks always remember, the sky’s the limit, unless you’re the levitating lawyer, and then it’s just another day ‘hovering’ in the courtroom. That’s all we’ve got for now, but stay tuned for more on the lawyer who knows how to make trials ‘uplifting.’