Mind-Reading Mom Grounds Teen Before He Even Misbehaves!

“Whoever said parenting was an uphill slog didn’t have supernormal skills to rely on! Yep, meet the mom who absolutely knows her kid better than he knows himself. In a totally mind-blowing turn of events, Betty Jenkins, of Logansport, Indiana, has been endowed with a skill that any parent would kill for. She can read her teenager’s mind. Not tomorrow’s Lottery numbers, not the military secrets locked away in the Pentagon, but the adolescent cranium of her very own trouble-prone 13-year-old son, Bobby.

Is he going to skulk behind the school gym to smoke a forbidden cigarette snuck from dad’s pack? Betty already knows it. Is he planning to get his ear pierced in a pseudo-rebellatory style? Bingo, she’s seen it. This mind-reading mom is all game to circumvent her teenage son’s cerebral cavities before he even dreams of misbehaving, making her possibly the most formidable parent this side of the Rockies.

Betty first noticed her uncanny, telepathic connection when Bobby was but a stick-thin kid of seven. Initially, it was simple hunches – knowing what was on his young mind, guessing what he’d want to eat, or predicting if a playdate would end in tears. However, as Bobby hit that often-dreaded teenage milestone, her hunches evolved into full-blown, technicolor mind reading!

“Ain’t no keeping secrets anymore, not in this house,” she declared, gesturing emphatically with a spatula laden with hormone-free organic baby carrots. Not that Bobby could keep a secret to save his life. The latest confirmation came when she smelt a mental whiff of her son contemplating a sickie to skip a maths test. “He was all snuggled in bed, practicing his cough, when I burst in, vitamin C in one hand, gluten-free granola in the other. The look on his face, oh boy!”

With a secret informant’s interest in the supernatural, we ventured to delve into the real questions. Could Betty hear every thought Bobby had? “No,” she laughed, “Only the naughty ones. I still can’t tell if he’ll choose pepperoni or plain cheese. Misbehavior thoughts, however, are as clear as the Fox Sunday Night line-up.”

We asked Dr. Rupert McKensie, a self-proclaimed parapsychologist, for his opinion on this maternal mind meld. “Based on my immense expertise gleaned from decades of watching Twilight Zone episodes,” he began, “I’d surmise that Mrs. Jenkins has been blessed—or cursed—with a form of astral projection uniting her unconscious mind with her son’s subconscious intentions.”

Meanwhile, Bobby seems to have reconciled himself to his mom’s supernatural invasion of his privacy. He grumbled into his smartphone, “Man, it’s a bummer. No chick wants to date a dude with a mom who knows his every wrong move before he even considers it. It’s like living with a clairvoyant cop!”

As we left Betty’s cozy kitchen of pre-crime parenting, we couldn’t help but wonder what the world would be like if all parents could read their kids’ minds? Would it be a utopia of angelic children, unmarred by misbehavior? Or every teenager’s worst dystopian nightmare? In the meantime, Betty Jenkins, the mind-reading mom, continues her reign of supremacy, grounding Bobby before he even gets a chance to concoct a devilish plan.

So here’s the scoop, folks. This ain’t no ordinary mom tale, this is ‘Super-Mom, Mind-Reader Extraordinaire.’ An eerie power or a blessing in disguise? We’ll let you decide.”