Miraculous Phone Recharges Itself: Owner Claims It’s Afraid of the Dark!

They say a dog is man’s best friend, but in this day and age, it’s more accurate to say our cellphones are. Understanding our mysterious technological companions can at times seem impossible. But when one local man found his phone inexplicably powered even after days of neglect, it opened the door to an electrifying mystery.

Daniel Myers, a hardware store owner from Baton Rouge, Louisiana, claims that his smartphone, a model more fit for a museum exhibit than a pocket, has been running at full battery for six whole months without so much as a gentle caress from a charger.

“Honestly, I thought it might be some sort of divine intervention,” Daniel confessed. “Before all this, I’d bow my head and pray for the good Lord to save me from digital disaster. More than once, I’ve found my phone silent and cold right in the middle of ordering pizzas.”

The twist in this electrifying tale came one fateful night. Myers, exhausted from a long day, went straight to bed, neglecting to plug his inseparable companion into its nightly life support. “It was pure forgetfulness. Pure, tired, just-home-from-a-14-hour-shift forgetfulness,” groaned Myers. “I expected to wake up, reach for my phone and find it as lifeless as a doornail.”

The anticipated electronics funeral, however, quickly turned into a celebration. Upon waking, Myers found his phone vibrating cheerfully – not the sluggish hum of a dying device, toeing the line at 1%, but the vivacious buzz of a gadget bursting with life and ready for a full day’s work.

Curiosity piqued, the hardware store proprietor decided to undertake a daring experiment. He left his phone entirely off the charger for the next two nights. The device stayed powered. The next week, it stayed on. The week after that, it was as animated as a squirrel on a sugar rush.

“It was halfway through the second week that I realized this wasn’t some sort of technical malady. I’d picked up the phone in the middle of the night,” narrated Myers, “The screen lit the room up like a lighthouse. Suddenly, I knew. The darn thing is afraid of the dark!”

Preposterous as it seems, after exhaustive tests (which mostly involved turning off lights at unpredictable intervals), Myers is convinced that his phone, like a technological night light, is sustaining its own battery to keep the dark at bay.

“The way I see it,” Myers reasoned, “everyone’s afraid of something. Me, I hate spiders. My neighbor won’t go near pickles. Why can’t a phone be afraid of the dark? In a world where my toaster can practically talk back to me, why are we questioning the possibility of scaredy-cat technology?”

Though electrically liberated, Myers doesn’t plan to abandon his phone to the dark. “I figure I’ll keep a little night light on for it, maybe play some soothing music. Can’t be anything worse than sharing a bedroom with my snoring wife!”

Scientists and technology experts around the globe are intrigued, if not entirely convinced, by Myers’ startling find. Notable sociologist, Dr. Pamela Quirke, while expressing doubts, wittily remarked, “If phones have indeed developed human traits, we should hope they don’t pick up our tendency for mood swings, or we might find them refusing calls from people they just don’t like.”

So, we’re left with a question. Is it possible that we live in an age where our machines have adopted our fears? Or has Daniel Myers stumbled upon the world’s best ever battery? Either way, the tale of the phone that feared the dark is sure to keep us up at night. Secret Informer will be sure to keep you updated with any shocking new developments.